Evening Stars Chapter 27
Translated by Q the Panda (ko-fi)
Chapter 27
It took Xu Nanheng a full minute to recover from Yang Gao's expression and that ‘wow’ look in his eyes.
He was so affected that the car key in his hand felt warm from how tightly he was gripping it.
After hearing that line from him, Xu Nanheng felt like he had a python around his neck — not quite that dramatic, but he certainly found it hard to breathe, perhaps to the degree of wearing a turtleneck sweater backwards.
He adjusted his breathing. Beside Fang Shiyou's desk was a row of radiators, and the air there was toasty. Xu Nanheng sat with his knees turned toward the heat. He had calmed down, but he didn't know if Fang Shiyou felt any differently. He hoped Fang Shiyou was calm, so as not to affect his upcoming surgery.
Xu Nanheng sighed. If waking up that afternoon and reaching out to the other side of the bed had felt like newlywed behavior, then Fang Shiyou's remark just now felt like they had already stepped into the third year of marriage.
He put down his cup and stood up, deciding to leave first.
Driving Fang Shiyou's car, he first navigated to the market they had visited last time. Although the weather wasn't great today, the market was still quite crowded.
He was there to pick up some daily necessities. This afternoon, he truly witnessed how thoroughly the doctor embodied the word ‘solitary’ in ‘solitary living.’ Xu Nanheng hadn't even found a spare drinking cup at his place.
He bought a cup for drinking water, and also saw some exquisite wooden bowls made by the locals. He found them quite interesting, so he bought two. The shopkeeper even threw in a pair of chopsticks for free. Xu Nanheng thanked him while enduring a pang of heartache. He didn't even know how his hand managed to pick the most expensive ones out of all the bowls. He'd chosen ones that cost 300 yuan each.
When he returned to Fang Shiyou's apartment, things started to feel a little strange. Xu Nanheng placed his newly bought cup beside Fang Shiyou's. Although they weren't a matching set, it felt very, very odd…… as if he were arranging the home he shared with Fang Shiyou.
The moment that thought crossed his mind, Xu Nanheng sat down, opened his iPad, took out his Pencil, removed his watch, and began working on two mock college entrance exams from his school.
When focused, Xu Nanheng could tune out everything, especially when doing practice problems. Math gave him a sense of stability and order. He liked things that were clear and structured, such as what was known, why it was so, and what needed to be found.
After finishing both papers, he let his mind drift, sitting in his chair and zoning out to rest his brain. In the past, Xu Nanheng used to get anxious easily. Sometimes he even felt guilty about resting, especially while studying for his master's degree and preparing for certification exams. Back then, he drank three or four cups of coffee a day.
Later, he learned how to empty his mind, to let his neurons rest, to give his thoughts a break.
First he learned how to let go of his thoughts, then how to let himself off the hook, and finally how to live freely. When Xu Nanheng occasionally looked back on his own growth, he found it had been fairly smooth. He used to want everything to be perfect. In junior and senior high school, his family's wealth had made it hard for him to make friends. When one or two people occasionally were willing to befriend him, he was eager to give them his whole heart.
That was why he sometimes dreamed of his high school classroom and of Fang Shiyou sitting in it.
Once, two classmates in senior high struck up a conversation with him and invited him to play basketball, but it turned out they only wanted Xu Nanheng to bring out the ball signed by a famous player so they could take turns snapping photos for their social media.
Over time, he found that being alone wasn't so bad. He could tease his cat and feed his fish. While there were a few people in the Beijing's circle of rich second-generation kids who genuinely wanted to be his friends, he couldn't stand their overly lavish lifestyles. A private dinner costing three thousand yuan per person was fine, but to him, a McDonald's Double Cheeseburger was just as satisfying.
Ultimately, having different pursuits meant they were destined to walk different paths.
In the past, when his parents entertained business associates, they often brought him along to help him build social connections. But at those private parties, he'd just keep eating plate after plate of fried chicken and compliment the dip.
He would jokingly say to his parents ‘How am I supposed to park my three-million-yuan G-Wagon next to someone's fifty-million-yuan Lamborghini?’ After that, they stopped taking him to such events.
Maybe that was why he often dreamed of Fang Shiyou sitting in his high school classroom. This person approached him without any ulterior motives, took care of him unconditionally, both in daily life and emotionally, and offered him comfort in the most empathetic way.
Xu Nanheng looked at the two cups on the dining table. One belonged to Fang Shiyou, and the other was the one he had just bought.
Turning around, he glanced toward the window behind the sofa. The night sky after the snow was clear and bright. He really wanted a cigarette. After a brief hesitation, he grabbed his keys, cigarettes, and lighter, and went downstairs.
The young volunteer teacher crouched in front of the bike shed downstairs, a cigarette dangling from his lips, his chin resting on his hand. The whole look was a mix of roguish and innocent.
Biting the filter between his teeth, he opened WeChat. The chat window was on their small volunteer teaching group. It only had four members. The larger group for all the volunteer teachers was used strictly for announcements. No one ever chatted there.
In this small group were Su Yu, Tan Xi, and Xu Nanheng, all young teachers who'd joined last year, plus Dai Jimian, who was three or four years older and more experienced. The four of them got along well, so they'd made a private group chat.
Teacher Tan had just sent a video of the flag-raising ceremony in Beijing on National Day, reminiscing about how he and his roommates went to watch it on the very first day of school, all while marveling at how quickly time had passed.
Xu Nanheng opened the video. It was from CCTV, showing the very first rays of sunlight breaking over Beijing.
Time really had flown by. He'd already been in Tibet for over a month. Su Yu said, “Saved it, saved it. I'll show it to my students after the break. They're always asking me what Beijing is like, and I never know how to answer.”
Xu Nanheng had been asked the same question before. Although he was born and raised in Beijing, he was a terrible hermit. He didn't like going out or hanging around, and the only thing he really knew was which Chinese crepe stall was run by a boss from Tianjin.
So Xu Nanheng saved the video too, planning to show it to his students once the holidays ended.
Teacher Dai said that when they all returned to Beijing, the four of them should go out for a meal together. Their current teaching posts were among the most remote, with the poorest facilities. Some placements were better off. Those teachers could at least buy KFC, some even had hot water all day in their dorms, and the luckiest ones had projectors in their classrooms. Maybe that was why the four of them got along so well.
Tan Xi: Sounds good. By the time we get back it'll be summer, right? Let's go for Russian food. The place I know has amazing cream ice cream.
Su Yu: I'm already freezing my butt off here. Just reading the words ‘ice cream’ gives me chills. I'm dying for a hotpot. Haidilao would do.
Xu Nanheng typed back quietly: I want McDonald's.
Dai Jimian: ……
It was too cold. Xu Nanheng put out his cigarette and went back upstairs. His afternoon nap didn't affect his sleep at night. Teacher Xu had the kind of sleep quality and speed of falling asleep that his peers envied. Plus, Dr. Fang's Doraemon blanket was incredibly soft. In the end, he unconsciously pulled the whole thing into the quilt and fell asleep hugging it.
As for Dr. Fang, he finally finished the surgery six hours later.
The ruptured tumor was cleared, the abdominal aorta rebuilt, and when the patient's blood pressure finally climbed back to 100 mmHg, Director Guo exhaled and stepped down from the operating table. What remained were sutures and cleanup, left to younger doctors like Fang Shiyou and the others.
Once the surgery was fully done, the patient was transferred back to the ICU. Only Dr. Wangmo could speak Tibetan, so she went to explain the operation to the family. After taking off their scrubs, Fang Shiyou and Yang Gao both wore blank, exhausted expressions. That was just how hospitals worked. When emergencies came, you have to steel yourself and face the blade barehanded.
“Phew.” Dr. Yang stretched. “That almost cost me half my life.”
Fang Shiyou smiled. “Well, at least you won't have an extra surgery in the morning now.”
“Wait, what time is it?” Yang Gao glanced at the clock in the office. “Damn, it's almost three.”
Fang Shiyou didn't plan to go home yet because he still wanted to read an article. He wouldn't be sleeping anyway, so going back would only disturb Xu Nanheng. Besides, he admitted it, he still didn't know how to properly handle his own feelings.
He was a few years older than Xu Nanheng. Those extra years had brought him not only greater maturity, but also a tendency to hesitate and shrink back with overcautiousness. Sitting at his desk, Fang Shiyou felt torn. He was afraid that in the vulnerable hours of 3 AM, he wouldn't be able to stay rational.
He also didn't know enough about Xu Nanheng's situation, such as whether he was single or what his sexual orientation was. Everyone only revealed the tip of the iceberg. What lay hidden beneath was the fuller, truer part of themselves.
Fang Shiyou took out the meal Xu Nanheng had packed for him from the insulated box. It was still warm, though the fried chicken had gone soft, but that was fine.
When he lifted out all the containers, he found a small note, dampened by steam. Xu Nanheng had good handwriting from practicing calligraphy. The strokes were elegant and clean. ‘Don't know your taste. Just make do, Dr. Fang.’
Fang Shiyou was starving. The smell of food hit him, yet he didn't pick up his chopsticks right away. Instead, he stared at the note for a while.
Yang Gao walked back in with a cup of instant noodles. When he saw the meal on Fang Shiyou's desk, his expression immediately changed. “You…… where'd that come from?!”
“Ah.” Fang Shiyou slipped the note into the drawer and said, “Teacher Xu brought it for me.”
Yang Gao looked down at his own cup noodles. After a wave of deep melancholy passed, he questioned, “Dr. Fang, are you two, you know, a thing?”
“What thing?” Fang Shiyou looked at him. To be honest, he was asking even though he already knew what Yang Gao meant.
“Dating,” Yang Gao said, lowering his voice slightly.
Fang Shiyou shook his head. “No.”
Yang Gao gave a small laugh, set his noodles on his desk, and stirred them with a fork. “Hah, I thought you two were already madly in love.”
“Don't.” Fang Shiyou lifted the lid off his meal. “Don't joke like that in front of him.”
Yang Gao slurped his noodles, chewing as he spoke. “Come on, what's the big deal? Teacher Xu seems like a pretty reasonable guy.”
Fang Shiyou sighed. “That's got nothing to do with being reasonable. Everyone has their boundaries.”
Yang Gao shrugged. “See? You're being overly rigid again.”
Fang Shiyou lived a simple social life. He was excellent but not flashy, and he was indeed a little bit rigid. His entire world revolved around medicine. Yang Gao had never seen him outside of that context. His life was a continuous cycle of work, patient consultations, and surgeries, then reading articles or watching surgical videos after hours. Most of the time, he was quiet. Another colleague once said that Fang Shiyou simply lacked any worldly desires.
“Anyway, what difference does being gay make? Isn't this just a natural variation produced by human genes?”
What Dr. Yang said was true. Homosexuality and heterosexuality were both natural variations, and as medical professionals, they should understand this even more. Fang Shiyou lowered his head, didn't reply, and quietly ate his meal.
Seeing his silence, Yang Gao clicked his tongue and grinned. “So when did it start? Love at first sight on Highway 109 in the middle of the night?”
Fang Shiyou still didn't say anything.
Back then, Xu Nanheng had a cigarette between his teeth, squinting as he asked for five hundred yuan for the road trip, thinking he was being bold, like a little kitten baring its claws to show how fierce it was. Their journey after that had been easy and pleasant. Fang Shiyou had simply thought Xu Nanheng was a cultured, polite man.
On that hurried day they parted ways in Lhasa, he'd regretted not asking for his contact information. But in truth, Fang Shiyou had memorized his license plate number, thinking that if fate allowed, maybe they'd cross paths again in Beijing. At the very least, he could ask around to see if there were any volunteer teachers with the surname Xu.
And as it turned out, he'd ran into him at the school right next to the small hospital. At first, his care for Xu Nanheng had been genuine. He truly wanted to help this newcomer, three thousand kilometers from home. But over time, that sincerity had grown into something that wasn't so pure anymore.
He felt that Xu Nanheng was a person who radiated brightness, whether under the starlit sky, on the basketball court, or even on stormy nights when he lifted his eyes to meet his.
And there was Xu Nanheng's persistence with remedial classes. Teacher Xu truly wanted every child to leave the mountains one day and soar far beyond. In Fang Shiyou's eyes, Teacher Xu was good in every way. Too good, even.
Yang Gao finished his noodles, set the bowl aside, and chuckled to himself. He wiggled his mouse to wake the computer screen and said, “Fang Shiyou, just go up and ask him already. What's the point of holding it in? You'll make yourself sick one day.”
“I don't even know if he's single,” Fang Shiyou said.
Yang Gao: “That makes it easier. I'll help you find out.”
“Don't,” Fang Shiyou emphasized again, “Don't say anything careless.”
Yang Gao laughed. “Fine, fine. It's unlike you who already lured the person to your house.”
“I had no choice.”
“Sure, sure, you're all innocent,” Yang Gao teased. “Anyway, I'm going to bed. You stay here and keep overthinking.”