Who Moved My Ashes Chapter 12
Translated by Novice Translations
Chapter 12
Chen Man brought Jiang Xichu to this restaurant which had been opened for several decades. From the years that it was opened, it can be seen that the restaurant’s dishes were good.
Chen Man especially likes the taste from this family restaurant, but today’s meal was tasteless.
There was a reason for this, it was because all she thought about was Jiang Xichu.
The two ordered three dishes but couldn’t finish the last dish. They packed the leftovers to bring home. Jiang Xichu walked ahead. The early summer night wasn’t cold nor hot, and the warm gentle breeze blew on the two people. Jiang Xichu’s footsteps were involuntarily brisk. She slightly hooked her lips and walked lightly to the parking lot.
Behind her, Chen Man followed her, with her eyes fixed on Jiang Xichu’s back.
Does she really like me?
Impossible, she doesn't like me. I already knew this since long ago.
Maybe I made a mistake. She might like me, too!
No, no, no, if she likes me, she would have liked me for a long time. How could she wait until now?
Why couldn’t she wait until now? Maybe Jiang Xichu’s reflection arc* circled the earth three times!
(TN: Reflection arc – nerves in the brain; so saying her brain circled the earth 3x to finally register that she likes her.)
...
Chen Man’s heart was at war with Man and Heaven. Jiang Xichu arrived at the car, turned around and looked at Chen Man, she beckoned her to open the door. Chen Man also stopped her movements and stood a meter away from her.
Jiang Xichu raised her eyebrow slightly. She didn’t understand why she didn’t come over.
Chen Man slowly looked around, the parking lot was desolate. Because there was an office building next to it, there were basically no cars or people after work. Chen Man took a deep breath and slowly walked to Jiang Xichu.
Jiang Xichu watched her, she felt a little nervous in her heart. She frowned and asked, “Why did you…”
Chen Man threw caution to the wind, she thought, if she didn’t figure it out clearly tonight, she wouldn’t be able to go to bed and would have countless restless nights in the future!
She stared at Jiang Xichu's eyes and didn’t miss a single emotional change from her face. “Jiang Xichu, there is a question I have never asked you.”
Jiang Xichu was stunned, “What’s the question?”
“The person you like...what’s her name?”
For a split second, it was deathly still, Chen Man felt that she couldn’t hear anything besides her heartbeat, which beat like a drum as if it would jump out of her chest. The more silent she was, the more nervous Chen Man was. When her nervousness reached a certain level of tension, her pessimism and inferiority began to occupy her. Chen Man evaded by turning her head quickly and laughed, “Haha, I just ask casually. It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to answer it. I’m not very interested in the answer…”
“Chen Man.”
Chen Man didn’t react for a while, then replied with a loud voice, “Ah, what is it?”
Jiang Xichu raised her mouth and her voice was clear as a spring creek, which instantly washed away all the pessimistic thoughts in Chan Man’s heart. “I didn’t call you, I just answered your question.”
—What’s the name of the person you like?
—Chen Man.
Chen Man’s appearance was more sluggish than it was before. She opened her mouth but couldn’t make a sound. After about ten seconds, she heard her own dry and tight voice, “You…you’re not kidding, are you?”
If it was a joke, she might not be able to survive. There was no crueler thing in the world than to give hope first, then break it.
Jiang Xichu frowned. She placed the packaged leftover on the roof of the car and looked at Chen Man unhappily. “Why would I use this kind of thing as a joke? Do you think I’m such a humorous person?”
She said and sneered, “Still say, you think I’m not serious about feelings, so you play this kind of joke casually.”
Jiang Xichu was angry, although she didn’t know why she was angry. “Can’t I sincerely like you? You like me, why can’t I like you?!”
Chen Man’s eyes widened, her face was as red as a newly plucked red Fuji apple, and she stuttered her words, “Who, who, who said, I like you! They’re lying!”
Jiang Xichu’s face changed slightly. “You don't like me?”
Jiang Xichu took a step back and looked as if she was going to leave. In fact, she thought it was inconvenient to stand there and look at Chen Man, so she wanted to change her position, but Chen Man didn’t know this. She thought she was going to leave and was immediately anxious.
Chen Man walked over quickly to her, faced her and grabbed her hand. What a joke, how could she let Jiang Xichu go, how could she live? How could her heart that was about to explode return to normal?
“Like! I like...”
The first sentence was shouted, the second sentence was lost within a moment. It was as loud as a milk cat’s humming. After that, she felt shy, but she also knew that it wasn’t the time to be shy. What about face, what about dignity? It wasn’t as important as communication!
Chen Man forced herself to look up. She looked at Jiang Xichu with her lips pursed, she looked like a stray dog praying for a passer-by to take her home with them, she looked at Jiang Xichu pitifully. “Don’t be angry, but I still wanted to make sure, because I felt that it was too unreal. Do you really like me? Like, not the like between friends, it’s…it’s the kind that is between lovers. Do you understand?”
Jiang Xichu knew that Chen Man was timid and knew that she had low self-esteem in regards to feelings, but she didn’t expect that she would have such low self-esteem.
Jiang Xichu knows Chen Man very well. They have been together since they attended university. Jiang Xichu should be the one who knows her best except for her parents. Therefore, Jiang Xichu was puzzled that Chen Man had an inferiority complex. On the contrary, she was very confident and sunny.
But when she faced her, why does she always flinched and look back. What did that mean?
In Chen Man’s eyes, she was more excellent than her and much better than her. She was almost the best person in the world, so she felt she wasn’t worthy for her.
Jiang Xichu turned her head, rubbed her eyes, she rubbed the gaffe and image she had just seen.
Jiang Xichu’s heart was already soft and messy. Jiang Xichu turned her head back again. She stretched out her arms and hugged Chen Man tightly. Their bodies were tightly attached together. Jiang Xichu’s ears was pressed against her lips. Chen Man was too nervous and didn’t know where to place her hands. Jiang Xichu held her for a while, then she raised herself slightly, tilted at an angle and gently pressed a kiss on the corner of Chen Man’s mouth.
“Do you believe it now?”
...
On the way back, Chen Man didn’t drive, Jiang Xichu drove. Because Chen Man’s condition was no longer suitable for driving, her face was tight the entire way back. Unfortunately, the corners of her mouth betrayed her. If it had nothing to do, it will always curve upwards and faithfully express its owner’s mood.
In the evening, they both had nothing to do, they laid on the bedroom bed. Jiang Xichu turned on the TV and started to watch a TV show that was hot for the past seven or eight years. Chen Man began to accompany her quietly. Later, she stuck herself onto Jiang Xichu. Like a little girl, she asked Jiang Xichu many things.
“When did you know that I liked you?”
Jiang Xichu vaguely replied, “Not long.”
“Then, when did you like me?”
“After I found out that you like me. In any case, you were my immediate supervisor and had unwritten rules. I also thought it over to consider whether I wanted to give you a chance to change this unwritten rule, will you?”
Chen Man pushed her, “What unwritten rule! Don’t say it, my heart can’t bear it. My heart is yours, heaven and earth will learn it, it can be clearly seen by the sun and moon. If you say unwritten rules, you say unwritten rules I almost…”
Has she seen the object of the unwritten rule scold her every day? Anyway, she has never seen it.
As she spoke, Chen Man felt that something wasn’t right. She turned around and Jiang Xichu looked at her with a smile. Chen Man quietly asked, “What’s the matter? Did I say something wrong?”
Jiang Xichu smiled and shook her head. “No, I was just curious about something.”
“Oh,” Chen Man nodded. “Go ahead.”
“Since heaven and earth can learn it and the sun and moon can clearly see it, why haven’t you told me, and when I said that I had someone I like, you would rather go to the bathroom and cry secretly and not try to fight.”
Chen Man’s face turned red and she lowered her head in embarrassment, “So you know this too…”
After she paused for a long time, Chen Man raised her head again, “Because, I didn’t want you to hate me.”
Jiang Xichu frowned, and Chen Man pursed her lips: “Maybe you feel that my reasons are perfunctory, but this is what I thought. I was afraid that you would hate me. Friendships are the strongest but also most vulnerable relationship in the world. Relatives are irreplaceable and can never be changed. Lovers are hard to replace and change. But friends are the easiest relationship to find a replacement. Basically, there are no conditions, when you go out the door, you can meet someone willingly. If you chat, you can befriend them.”
Towards the end, Chen Man’s voice continued to get lower and lower, “I was in the position that I could have been replaced at any time, so what I feared most was that you would hate me, because if that was the case, then I would have no chance to stay by your side when you’re gone.”
For a long time, Chen Man didn’t hear Jiang Xichu’s answer. She quietly raised her head, but inadvertently crashed into Jiang Xichu’s line of sight. The latter chuckled and spit out an insincere word, “Stupid.”