Who Moved My Ashes Chapter 12
Chapter 12
Chen Man had brought Jiang Xichu to a restaurant that had been open for several decades. From the years of business, it went without saying that the dishes were top tier.
Chen Man especially enjoyed the taste from this family-style restaurant, but today’s meal was tasteless.
The reason for this was because all she could think about was Jiang Xichu.
The two ordered three dishes but couldn’t finish the last one, so they packed it up to bring home. Jiang Xichu walked ahead. The early summer night wasn’t cold nor hot, and the warm gentle breeze blew on the two. Jiang Xichu’s footsteps were brisk; lips curled in a slight smile as she walked lightly to the parking lot.
Behind her, Chen Man followed, with her eyes fixed on Jiang Xichu’s back.
Does she really like me?
Impossible, she doesn't like me. I’ve known this since long ago.
Well, maybe I made a mistake. Maybe she likes me, too!
No, no, no, if she likes me, they would have come to light ages ago. How could she wait until now?
But why can’t it appear now? Maybe Jiang Xichu’s reaction time needed to circle the earth three times first!
...
Chen Man’s heart was locked in an internal struggle. Jiang Xichu arrived at the car, turned around and looked at Chen Man, beckoning her to open the door. Chen Man also stopped and stood a meter away from her.
Jiang Xichu raised her eyebrow slightly. She didn’t understand why she didn’t come over.
Chen Man slowly looked around, the parking lot was desolate. Because there was an office building next to it, there were basically no cars or people after work. Chen Man took a deep breath and slowly walked to Jiang Xichu.
Jiang Xichu watched her, feeling a twinge of nervousness shoot through her heart. She frowned and asked, “Why did you…”
Chen Man threw caution to the wind. If she didn’t figure this out clearly tonight, she wouldn’t be able to sleep at all in the future!
She stared at Jiang Xichu's eyes, making sure she wouldn’t miss a single change in her face. “Jiang Xichu, there is a question I have never asked you.”
Jiang Xichu was still. “What’s the question?”
“What’s the name… of the person you like?”
For a split second, the world stopped. All Chen Man could hear was her heartbeat, beating like it was going to jump out of her chest. The more silent she was, the more nervous Chen Man was. When her nervousness reached a certain level of tension, her pessimism and inferiority began to take over her. Chen Man turned her head quickly and laughed to deflect, “Haha, I’m just wondering. It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to answer it. I’m not very interested in the answer…”
“Chen Man.”
Chen Man didn’t react for a while, then replied with a loud voice, “Ah, what is it?”
Jiang Xichu opened her mouth and her voice was as clear as a spring creek, which instantly washed away all the pessimistic thoughts in Chan Man’s heart. “I didn’t call you, I just answered your question.”
—What’s the name of the person you like?
—Chen Man.
Chen Man’s mind was more sluggish than it was before. She opened her mouth but couldn’t make a sound. After about ten seconds, she heard her voice croak out, “You…you’re not joking, are you?”
If this was a joke, she might not be able to survive. There was no crueler thing in the world than giving hope and then breaking it.
Jiang Xichu furrowed her brows. She placed the packaged leftover on the roof of the car and looked at Chen Man unhappily. “Why would I say this kind of thing as a joke? Do you think my sense of humor is this dark?
She sneered, “Or do you take me for someone who values love so little I can casually joke about it like this?”
Jiang Xichu was angry, although she didn’t know why she was angry. “Can’t I sincerely like you? You like me, why can’t I like you?!”
Chen Man’s eyes widened, her face was as red as a tomato, and she stuttered her words, “Who, who, who said I like you! They’re lying!”
Jiang Xichu’s face changed slightly. “You don't like me?”
Jiang Xichu took a step back. She thought it was a bit strange to just stand there looking at Chen Man, so she only wanted to change her position, but Chen Man didn’t know this. She thought she stepped back in order to leave and immediately panicked.
Chen Man quickly walked over to her and grabbed her hand. What kind of joke was this? If she let Jiang Xichu go now, was she even supposed to keep living? How was a heart about to explode supposed to return to normal?
“Like! I like...”
The first sentence was shouted, the second instantly lost all its spirit, dropping to a volume similar to that of a newborn kitten mewling. After that, she felt a bit self-conscious, but she also knew this wasn’t the right time. Who cares about dignity - the most important thing right now is communication!
Chen Man forced herself to look up. She looked at Jiang Xichu with a pout, she looked like a stray dog begging for a passer-by to take her home with them. She looked at Jiang Xichu pitifully. “Don’t be angry, but I still want to make sure, because I feel like I’m in a dream right now. Do you really like me? Like, not between friends, it’s…it’s the kind that is between lovers. Do you understand?”
Jiang Xichu knew that Chen Man was timid and knew that she had low self-esteem when it came to her feelings, but she didn’t expect it to be this bad.
Jiang Xichu knew Chen Man very well. They had been together since university, so Jiang Xichu should be the one who knows her best except for her parents. Therefore, Jiang Xichu was puzzled that Chen Man had an inferiority complex. On the contrary, she always seemed very confident and sunny.
But when she faces her, why does she always flinch and look away? What did that mean?
In Chen Man’s eyes, Jiang Xichu was more superior and much better than her. She was almost the best person in the world, so she felt she wasn’t worthy.
Jiang Xichu turned her head and blinked, blinking away the loss of composure and the emotions stirring up in her eyes.
Jiang Xichu’s heart was already a soft mess. Jiang Xichu turned her head back again, stretched out her arms and hugged Chen Man tightly. Their bodies were tightly pressed together. Jiang Xichu’s ears pressed against her lips; Chen Man was too nervous and didn’t know where to put her hands. Jiang Xichu held her for a while, then she pulled away slightly, tilted at an angle and gently pressed a kiss on the corner of Chen Man’s mouth.
“Do you believe it now?”
...
Chen Man didn’t drive them home, Jiang Xichu did. The reason was because Chen Man was no longer in any condition to drive. Her face was blank, but the corners of her mouth curved up without her permission, exposing her.
That evening, they both had nothing to do, so they laid on the bed. Jiang Xichu turned on the TV and started to watch a TV show that had been hot for the past seven or eight years, Chen Man watching her quietly, slowly inching closer until she was clinging to Jiang Xichu. Like a little girl again, she asked Jiang Xichu many things.
“When did you know that I liked you?”
Jiang Xichu vaguely replied, “Not long ago.”
“Then, when did you like me?”
“After I found out that you liked me. In any case, you were my immediate supervisor and that has unwritten rules. I also thought about if I wanted to give you a chance to change this unwritten rule. Will you?”
Chen Man pushed her, “What unwritten rule! Don’t say it, my heart can’t bear it. My heart is yours; my feelings for you are witnessed by heaven and earth, and are as clear as the sun and moon. If you say unwritten rules, if you say unwritten rules I almost…”
Have you ever seen someone on the receiving end of unwritten rules constantly berating the one imposing the rules? She certainly hadn’t.
As she spoke, Chen Man felt that something wasn’t right. She turned around to see Jiang Xichu looking at her with a smile. Chen Man quietly asked, “What’s the matter? Did I say something wrong?”
Jiang Xichu smiled and shook her head. “No, I was just curious about something.”
“Oh,” Chen Man nodded. “Go ahead.”
“Since heaven and earth can learn it and the sun and moon can clearly see it, why haven’t you told me? And when I said that I had someone I liked, you would rather go to the bathroom and cry secretly instead of fighting.”
Chen Man’s face turned red and she lowered her head in embarrassment, “So you knew that too…”
After a while, Chen Man raised her head again, “Because, I didn’t want you to hate me.”
Jiang Xichu frowned, and Chen Man pursed her lips: “You may think that my reasons are perfunctory, but this is my honest thought. I was afraid that you would hate me. Friendships are both the strongest and most vulnerable relationship in the world. Relatives are irreplaceable and can never be changed; lovers are hard to replace and change. But friends…friends are the easiest to replace. It barely demands any qualifications. All you have to do is step out the door, meet someone at random, and if you get along, they can become your new friend.
Chen Man’s voice got lower and lower as she spoke, “I was in a position where I could have been replaced at any time, so what I feared most was that you would hate me, because if that was the case, then I would have no chance to stay by your side.”
For a long time, there was silence. She quietly raised her head, inadvertently crashing into Jiang Xichu’s line of sight. The latter chuckled and uttered an insincere word, “Stupid.”