Just in Time Chapter 124
Translated by Sylver (ko-fi)
Chapter 124
Extra 14-Su Qingbai
Ever since Su Qingbai could remember, he knew he had a younger brother, but he had never met him.
This brother existed only in his mother's words, and was like a haunting nightmare to him.
Chu Xia's mental state was always fluctuating. When he was young, he couldn't tell the difference. Sometimes he was cautious and afraid to approach her. Chu Xia would come over and gently pat his head, calling him "Qingbai". Other times, when he happily threw himself into her arms, he was met with angry scolding. When Chu Xia came to her senses, she would hug him and apologize tearfully. He sat bewildered in Chu Xia's arms, unable to understand her words.
Later, he realized that his mother was sick.
He had to be understanding towards a sick mother.
In his memory, their family's situation in Beijing wasn't very good during his childhood.
The Su family was a large clan with complex familial relationships, and a large portion of them were involved in politics. In his impression, his grandfather was always serious and silent, while his father's actions were always cautious and low-key. From a very young age, he accompanied Su Shengwen to various social occasions, seeing through the conflicts of interest between adults too early.
Su Shengwen taught him, "Qingbai, look, there are no eternal friends in this world, only eternal interests."
"All interactions between people have a purpose."
"Don't easily trust anyone."
"Those who speak the sweetest words might stab you in the back the hardest."
"Even if you hate someone to the core, you must remain cordial on the surface, never letting others see through you."
"....."
So even when he was still in school, he knew how to maintain good relationships with his classmates, calculating who to be close to and who to keep at a distance.
But he always remembered Su Shengwen's words, not to get too close to anyone, and never to foolishly trust others.
At school, he had to maintain presentable grades to leave a good impression on others and to allow his father to accept compliments during holidays and festivals.
At home, he had to deal with his mother's unpredictable moods, listening countless times to her talk about the pitiful younger brother who was taken away right after birth, and soothing her anxious emotions.
He always did well.
In others' eyes, he was smart and sensible, with good grades, inheriting his parents' good looks, and had a strong family background.
His "good friend" enviously said, "Su Qingbai, you must be living a very happy life. Your parents love you so much, you have good grades, you practically have no worries. If I were you, I'd be overjoyed."
Su Qingbai smiled and said, "My parents are indeed very good."
Su Shengwen's expectations for him were only higher, never the highest, determined to cultivate him into the most outstanding of the Su family's generation. Chu Xia's emotions were always unstable, most of the time focusing her attention on his brother who existed in this family like a ghost. After her condition flared up, she would viciously curse at him.
Su Shengwen and Zhou Ang told him that Chu Xia was just sick, that these weren't her true thoughts, and asked him to be more understanding.
So he always gently soothed Chu Xia's emotions, not taking it to heart even when scolded.
But his heart wasn't armored with an extra layer of steel compared to others; it would still hurt when stabbed by a knife.
Over time, he always wore a perfect shell called "Su Qingbai" in front of others - gentle, gracious, and measured in his actions. Everyone who saw him had to praise him a few words.
He humbly and appropriately accepted the praise, as if wearing a mask on his face.
But behind this smiling mask, he wasn't very happy.
"Qingbai is the most sensible..."
"Qingbai is truly a sensible child..."
"Look at Qingbai, and then look at yourself..."
"Qingbai is so sensible, he will surely have great achievements in the future..."
"......."
Each "sensible" was like a soft vine with thorns, binding him to a noun called Su Qingbai. No matter how he struggled, it only made the thorns pierce deeper, drawing blood and flesh.
He didn't want to be sensible.
Only children who weren't loved would become sensible so early.
Su Shengwen was cold, Chu Xia was insane. He knew no one loved him.
But what did knowing matter? To outsiders, Su Shengwen was a successful model husband with a bright future, Chu Xia was a gentle and measured good wife who lived a secluded life. The two of them loved each other deeply, and had raised an excellent and sensible son called Su Qingbai. They were simply the template for a perfect family.
No matter how cold Su Shengwen was, no matter how hysterical Chu Xia became, they always maintained decency and elegance in front of others.
In the quiet of the night, he stared at himself in the mirror, his gaze gloomy and mad. He shed that fake mask of sensibility and perfection, revealing only a twisted and dry soul.
He no longer hoped for Su Shengwen and Chu Xia to love him, or perhaps they did love him, but he just couldn't feel it.
What happened later seemed like a ridiculous farce to him.
Chu Xia found his younger brother, named Yi Chenliang.
Su Qingbai saw him for the first time standing on the podium, looking at his features that were seven or eight parts similar to Su Shengwen's, and knew it was him.
At that time, he was laughing with the girl next to him, seemingly uninterested in the new transfer student in the class. He lowered his head to do exercises. The boy in front of him turned around and said something, and he laughed and kicked the other's chair.
He looked very happy and cheerful.
Most importantly, Yi Chenliang lived very authentically.
When he was happy, he would smile. When he was angry, he would curse. All his emotions were written on his face.
He was very close to a classmate named Yun Fang. They were always together, and Yi Chenliang seemed happy every day.
Every day after school, Chu Xia would ask if he had talked to his brother. Each time, he had to make up something to appease her.
Yi Chenliang was so happy, why did they have to disturb him?
What good would it do to bring him back to this deformed and oppressive family?
Su Qingbai dragged it out until Chu Xia had another episode and attempted suicide.
Chu Xia cried and begged him, wanting to see Yi Chenliang.
So one day after evening self-study, he found Yi Chenliang in front of the lab building and explained the situation to him.
"They want to see you tomorrow. You must want to meet your birth parents too, right?" Su Qingbai said this, but in his heart, he hoped Yi Chenliang would stay far away from them. It was good for him to just stay happy like this.
So he folded his arms and, unusually, put on a dislikeable, condescending expression. "Of course, I'm not that welcoming of your return."
As he expected, his haughty demeanor was very off-putting.
Yi Chenliang's face darkened. When his classmate Yun Fang arrived, the two of them started taking jabs at him in turns. Su Qingbai almost couldn't hold back his laughter, but he still dutifully acted his part, darkening his face and saying, "Do you know how much suffering our parents went through to find you? How dare you laugh?"
His brother indeed disliked him more, turning to leave with Yun Fang.
Thinking of Su Shengwen and Chu Xia's way of doing things, he decided to add fuel to the fire.
"Yi Chenliang!" he shouted after them. "No matter what you think, blood ties can't be severed!"
So run as far away as you can, as quickly as you can.
He stood under the streetlight with a gloomy expression for a while. After the two had walked far away, he couldn't help but smile.
Coming in a luxury car with the butler saying "Young Master, I'm here to pick you up"... What kind of messy TV dramas had Yi Chenliang been watching?
He thought that as long as Yi Chenliang showed enough disgust, according to his father's style, he wouldn't make things too ugly. But he was still too young, not understanding the officialdom affairs thoroughly enough, and underestimated his mother's obsession with Yi Chenliang.
The two of them took Yi Chenliang to England without a word.
He transferred back to a school in Beijing. Su Shengwen didn't let him interfere with Yi Chenliang's matters. He had tried to probe a few times but was warned by his father.
Later, at his grandfather's birthday banquet, Chang Ziqi kept asking about Yi Chenliang.
This cousin of his had a cold and rigid personality. He could handle formal occasions well enough, but always put his dislikes on display. For example, Chang Ziqi really disliked him, and even often fought with him when they were young, calling him hypocritical.
But in fact, Su Qingbai quite liked this cold cousin. He was well-raised by their grandfather. Although sometimes awkward and not very fond of him, whenever he saw Su Qingbai alone among the siblings, he would silently sit beside him, pinch his nose and say a few words, then get angry when teased by Su Qingbai and want to fight, yet always lose.
They often fought when they were young, of course, Su Qingbai was just playing around. When they grew up, they cared more about face. Chang Ziqi was always polite on the surface but in reality wouldn't even call him "cousin".
Chang Ziqi had asked him about Yi Chenliang's news several times, both directly and indirectly. He also knew that Yun Fang had been looking for Yi Chenliang, so he took the opportunity to tell him that Yi Chenliang was in England, even taking a punch for it.
He just hoped that the guy called Yun Fang could buck up and quickly take Yi Chenliang away. Facing Chu Xia every day would depress even the most lively and cheerful personality. Yi Chenliang wasn't him.
As a result, during the New Year, Su Shengwen took him to Switzerland. It wasn't until they got off the plane that he learned Yi Chenliang was in Switzerland. He immediately felt his father was old and cunning, even keeping it from him.
When they arrived at Yi Chenliang and Chu Xia's place, he saw the greatly changed Yi Chenliang. He didn't look as happy anymore, his usually smiling face showed some gloominess, making Su Qingbai frown.
So he hinted at the news to Yi Chenliang, but was gently rebuffed.
"Chang Ziqi still asks me about your news every day. I heard he's quite close with Yun Fang. Do you think it's him who wants to know about you, or Yun Fang?" he said to Yi Chenliang with a smile.
He'd heard from Chang Ziqi that Yun Fang was almost going crazy looking for him. They were such good friends usually, at least let Yi Chenliang know Yun Fang was looking for him.
"Did you tell him?" Yi Chenliang asked, but his fists were clenched.
Su Qingbai felt a bit uncomfortable seeing this. "I told him. Chang Ziqi even hit me. I told him you were in England."
"Switzerland and England are quite far apart, right, brother?" He looked gleeful, but was actually a bit anxious.
Silly brother, your good friend is looking in the wrong place, and you're here leisurely watching TV.
Yi Chenliang's face indeed changed color.
During dinner, he hinted again slyly, "Brother, this red string bracelet seems to be part of a pair?"
He vaguely remembered that Yun Fang also had a similar one on his wrist, though he didn't quite understand why good friends would need to wear two identical bracelets, just as he didn't understand why Yun Fang had to feed his brother milk before.
But at least he could remind him a bit.
"It's not a pair. I bought it from a small stall by the beach, ten for five yuan. If you want one, I can bring you some next time, brother," Yi Chenliang said calmly as he ate his ribs.
"...No need." Su Qingbo glared at him in frustration. He didn't make a fuss when he should have, and if he did now, Su Shengwen might just send him back. "Maybe I remembered wrong."
His brother wasn't living up to expectations, and he really couldn't interfere. After the New Year, he returned to Beijing. It wasn't until a few months later that he heard Yi Chenliang was planning to return to China. Although the plan was rough, it was highly feasible. He contacted the bearded foreign teacher he knew before, asking him to give Yi Chenliang a hand at the crucial moment.
Later, Yi Chenliang finally escaped from this dysfunctional family, and Su Qingbai felt somewhat relieved.
He thought, it was enough that he was messed up, the Su family didn't need a second Su Qingbai.
Chu Xia and Su Shengwen eventually divorced. The farce of more than a decade finally came to an end, and he felt an unprecedented sense of relief.
Even if he still had to play the role of an obedient and sensible Su Qingbai.
But Yi Chenliang was still Yi Chenliang.
And he was Su Qingbai before, would be Su Qingbai in the future.
And could only be Su Qingbai.