Just in Time Chapter 122
Translated by Sylver (ko-fi)
Extra 12-Sugar
When Yun Fang unscrewed the cap of the sleeping pill bottle, his mood was very calm.
It was an ordinary night, as ordinary as could be.
He had discussed with Wu He, Chen Qianyang, and Zhang Haize during self-study class about how to solve a competition problem most concisely. The four of them gathered to discuss for nearly half the class. He even argued with Chen Qianyang about how to use a formula, jokingly threatening to end their friendship.
Near the end of school, Old He said he had found a competition test paper for him and asked him to pick it up at the office tomorrow. He smiled and said okay.
On his way home, he ran into Song Cun. Song Cun looked at him, hesitating to speak.
Yun Fang ignored him. Song Cun followed behind him with his backpack, trailing him all the way.
He stopped at the entrance of the neighborhood and turned to look at Song Cun. "Stop following me."
Song Cun's handsome face turned bright red. "I-I'm sorry."
Yun Fang looked at him. He and Song Cun had grown up together. In his impression, Song Cun was a cheerful and sunny person, always gentle towards him. But now he was puzzled - he couldn't find a trace of the past in Song Cun.
The Song Cun he liked was gone.
"I'm sorry, Sugar," Song Cun said guiltily, hurriedly grabbing his hand. "I've already found a way to destroy all those photos. Nothing will happen!"
"I've been very regretful these past few days and have thought a lot. It's all my fault, I'm sorry!" Song Cun apologized to him over and over. "I actually like you! Sugar! I like you!"
Yun Fang curved his eyes in a smile, but the smile didn't reach his eyes. "Oh, so you like me too."
Song Cun's face was flushed red, as if he really liked him. "I- I can be your boyfriend! Can you forgive me?"
"Do you want me to forgive you, or do you want to be my boyfriend?" Yun Fang looked at him quietly. "Or do you hope to gain my forgiveness through becoming my boyfriend?"
Song Cun was at a loss for words.
Sometimes Yun Fang really disliked his habit of getting to the root of things. Stripping away the layer of teenage hormonal attraction, just objectively looking at Song Cun as a person, he discovered that this perfect crush was actually nothing special.
He was cowardly, indecisive, and somewhat greedy, liking to play little tricks.
Now he was even trying to use what he called cheap affection, as if enduring humiliation, using an identity he despised, to ask for forgiveness, when in fact it was to make up for his own cowardly self-loathing and hatred.
Selfishness to the point of ridiculousness.
"I like you," Song Cun seemed to be saying to him very seriously.
"Alright," Yun Fang smiled slightly. "If you can rank in the top fifty in the grade in the next monthly exam, we'll be together."
Song Cun's eyes lit up. "Okay, Sugar, wait for me."
Yun Fang smiled at him and turned to enter the neighborhood.
It turned out that what he liked wasn't the real Song Cun. What he truly liked was only a perfect crush he had imagined.
When he got home, he confessed his sexual orientation to his parents.
Tang Yi and Yun Heyu were both shocked and unable to accept it. They even got angry because of his overly blunt words and attitude, and scolded him, which was rare.
It was almost exactly the reaction he had expected.
He sat quietly on the sofa, watching his parents' furious expressions, silently praying: Please be angrier, please despise me more.
It would be best if you wished you had never given birth to me, so you wouldn't be sad when I'm gone.
He tried his best to play the role of a sharp and broken high school student, but his heart was full of sadness. The decision he made - he was letting down his parents the most.
But he was really tired.
He couldn't hold on anymore.
He sat at his desk, expressionlessly writing a harsh and emotionally distraught suicide note. At least to others, this would appear to be the act of an irrational, temperamental high school student who impulsively acted out because he couldn't bear his parents' criticism.
He couldn't bear to let his parents blame themselves, but he didn't want to write down those shameful things, nor did he want those disgusting people to be the reason for his suicide.
He was selfish and willful for the last time, making his parents the reason for his suicide.
He stood up, folded the note and placed it under the desk lamp. Worried they might not find it in their panic, he bent down and pulled out a small corner.
Inside was the reason he had prepared for his dad and mom. If others or the police asked, they would only sigh that he was an ignorant, selfish, and impulsive child. Hopefully, it would also help console his parents.
Then he sat on the bed, unscrewed the cap of the sleeping pills, precisely poured out a lethal amount, picked up the water glass, and swallowed them without hesitation.
He screwed the cap back on, placed the bottle in a conspicuous position, then went to the kitchen to wash the glass clean and put it on the coffee table. He also went to the bathroom to brush his teeth and wash his face.
He returned to the bedroom, closed the door, lay down on the bed and closed his eyes.
Even now, those disgusting guys wouldn't leave him alone. Those noisy, chaotic images lingered in his mind, calling him a perverted freak over and over, stomping on his face repeatedly, no matter how much he struggled to break free.
He still felt angry.
He had thought about killing those people. Through his studies, he felt he could do it without leaving any trace. It might take a lot of time, many years, to kill them one by one for revenge.
But he didn't want to dirty his hands, nor did he want to spend so much time doing something so meaningless. Moreover, he didn't want his parents to have a murderer for a son.
When he realized he could not relieve this anger no matter what, he vaguely sensed something was wrong. Later, as he had predicted, he gradually began to lose control of his emotions. His pride in his rationality and calmness crumbled in an instant.
All because of a few irrelevant scumbags.
This made him feel defeated.
He knew he had made the stupidest decision. He chose to end his own life, bringing irreparable harm to his parents. He was using others' mistakes to punish himself, and torturing his parents as well. He was simply a fool.
He also clearly knew that he could seek help from a psychologist, use medication to calm his turbulent emotions. As he grew older, he would realize that what he was experiencing wasn't such a big deal. When he was even older, he might even be able to casually mention it to others, then sigh with emotion.
He knew all this clearly. He could analyze the most beneficial course of action for himself. At worst, he could settle for the next best option. In any case, it wouldn't be at the cost of his life.
But he chose suicide not to seek revenge on anyone.
He simply couldn't tolerate this version of himself.
If he had to find a culprit, the ultimate murderer was himself, and the executioner was also himself.
He preferred it this way.
As his consciousness began to fade, Yun Fang breathed a sigh of relief.
Let it be like this. He couldn't hold on anymore.
He just felt so sorry for his parents.
If only... if only someone could replace him as Yun Fang.
That way, Dad and Mom wouldn't have to be sad.
With his last bit of consciousness, he silently prayed in his heart, before finally losing consciousness completely.
At last, he could sleep peacefully.