Top Dupe CH 083 Stay With Me, Look At Me Part 1

Gu Xiaowei looked at Luo Yu, and slowly, he loosened his grip on the knife, placing it on the coffee table.

"It's late, let's sleep," Luo Yu finally breathed a sigh of relief.

"I thought... maybe I was dreaming all along," Gu Xiaowei's voice echoed softly.

A feeling of heartache surged in Luo Yu's chest once again.

For an actor, getting immersed in a role is a good thing; being more absorbed than anyone else is a talent. But if one can't find the boundary between themselves and the character, it becomes dangerous.

Luo Yu had to make Gu Xiaowei feel the separation between himself and the character Lu Pingfeng. There had to be something to bring him back to himself at any moment.

Luo Yu bent down, pinched the blade, and placed the handle of the knife back into Gu Xiaowei’s hand. Then, holding his wrist, he stabbed the knife toward his own abdomen.

Gu Xiaowei’s arm tensed immediately, but Luo Yu recklessly leaned into the tip of the blade. Gu Xiaowei's face showed a shocked expression, and the fear in his eyes was unmistakable. He even reached out with his other hand to block Luo Yu’s abdomen.

"What are you doing—"

"Look, you would rather hurt yourself than harm me. No matter what character you transform into, your first reaction when I’m in danger is to save me. Even if you're holding a blade, you'd never hurt me. So, as long as there's something in this world you care about, you will come back," Luo Yu whispered gently, moving closer to Gu Xiaowei.

As Luo Yu drew nearer, their breaths seemed to brush against each other.

It wasn’t a test but a search for the cracks where they might blend together.

Though the light was dim, Gu Xiaowei could see his reflection in Luo Yu’s eyes. The faint glint in Luo Yu's gaze seemed to pierce through the halo of confusion in his mind, warming his blood and smoothing out all the dents in his thoughts.

"You don’t know how out of line... how dangerous I am..." Gu Xiaowei whispered hoarsely.

"Tell me, I’m listening," Luo Yu replied, gently moving the knife away from his abdomen and clasping the hand that had protected him.

Gu Xiaowei's throat bobbed slightly as he lowered his head, resting his forehead against Luo Yu’s chest.

"I once got trapped in a role and couldn’t find my way out. I couldn’t return to a normal life."

Luo Yu's brow twitched. So, before accepting the role of Lu Pingfeng, Gu Xiaowei had already been trapped in another role?

Yet, in Luo Yu's impression, no character seemed more restrained, confused, or extreme than Lu Pingfeng.

"I wanted to stop, to make the phantom in my head disappear... At that time, people had already noticed my abnormality. They cautiously cared for me, watched over me, not letting me do anything reckless. But I was already exhausted and just wanted it all to end."

A sinking feeling weighed down Luo Yu's heart. A bad premonition surged in him. He lifted his hand and embraced Gu Xiaowei.

"I pretended to return to normal, read the books I used to read, studied the things I used to study, listened to the music I used to love. But only I knew that none of it interested me anymore... Day after day, I waited for them to stop keeping such a tight watch over me. I pretended to be normal, just like Lu Pingfeng... pretending to be like other painters—eating, sleeping, and painting."

Luo Yu gently touched the back of Gu Xiaowei’s head. His hair was softer than he had imagined.

And Gu Xiaowei was more fragile than he had thought.

"Finally, one day, the experts said I was normal, and those taking care of me were relieved. Look at my acting... isn’t it superb?" Gu Xiaowei chuckled softly, perhaps mockingly or maybe self-deprecatingly. "Even though my mind was a runaway horse, I still appeared to follow all the rules."

"And after you gained your freedom, what did you do?" Luo Yu's heart felt tightly bound, as if his blood couldn’t flow through. He feared he might suffocate if this went on because he was empathizing too deeply, falling into Gu Xiaowei's world.

"Haha." Gu Xiaowei let out a cold laugh, so chilling that it made Luo Yu tremble. "I wanted to jump from the highest point of the city, to collide with this world with all my might. How spectacular it would be."

Luo Yu's eyes welled up. "You have a passion and sensitivity that others lack, which is why you can empathize so deeply with your roles. It's not your fault; it’s your most beautiful quality."

"Mmm..." Gu Xiaowei shook his head. "That day, as I drove past a theater, I decided to watch what I thought would be the last performance I would see in my life. And there, I saw true passion and sensitivity. He was my god and my fate. He created a new universe for me with every line and expression, as if he had been reborn in flames. He made the world roar and boil, but the one set ablaze was me."

"So, your 'out of line' behavior means you transferred your obsession with death onto another person?" Luo Yu realized that, in that moment, he wasn’t jealous but genuinely grateful. "That doesn’t seem out of line. Just like me—when I saw you in my darkest moments, I felt a surge of courage, as if I could fight against the rules of the world."

Gu Xiaowei lifted his gaze, filled with an obsession and possessiveness Luo Yu had never seen before.

"I went to see all his performances, watched every interview. I drove behind him, watching him wait at the bus stop. In my mind, I planned every way to get close to him, pretending everything was natural. At first, I just wanted to talk to him, but soon I wanted to claim him in front of everyone. I wanted to isolate him from all the eyes watching him, to completely possess him. Luo Yu, do you understand now? I never left that role because, at our core, we are the same."

Gu Xiaowei laughed, like a rose about to wither in an instant, using its ultimate brilliance to mask the decay.

"And him? Does he know what you’re thinking?" Luo Yu asked cautiously.

"Hahaha... Haha..." Gu Xiaowei raised his hand and firmly cupped Luo Yu's face. "Fate used him as bait and utterly defeated me. When I woke up in that theater, everything was gone."

Luo Yu froze. Did Gu Xiaowei mean he had created a person in his head, using that fantasy to escape the role?

Unparalleled heartache crushed Luo Yu's chest. How lonely and helpless must Gu Xiaowei have been to save himself in such a way?

Just like Lu Pingfeng, whose heart held roses but was seen as a beast and monster by the world. They only saw Lu Pingfeng’s paintings, appraising him with a voyeuristic curiosity, but no one ever understood him as a person. His loneliness was incomprehensible.

"Will you disappear?" Gu Xiaowei tilted his chin, looking at him as if he were a hallucination.

"I’m not a fantasy in your head. I won’t disappear." Luo Yu lightly touched his forehead to Gu Xiaowei’s chin. "And..."

"And what?" Gu Xiaowei asked.

"Your fantasies and your out-of-line behavior are all within my boundaries."

I accept all of you.

Gu Xiaowei's throat bobbed, and he held Luo Yu tightly.

It was an embrace with no restraint, squeezing so hard that Luo Yu's bones creaked, his blood flow stagnated, and pain spread to the core of his brain.

But Luo Yu just wanted to indulge him endlessly, even if it meant he couldn’t breathe, even if everything ended.

"Senior Brother, stay with me." Gu Xiaowei's voice was low and soft.

"Okay."

"Make sure you look at me..."

"En." Luo Yu turned his head, whispering in his ear, "You haven’t called me 'Senior Brother' in a long time."

After a long time, Gu Xiaowei finally let go of Luo Yu.

"Go turn on the power. Otherwise, Xiao Qin and the others might trip if they get up to use the bathroom at night."

Gu Xiaowei nodded.

"Also, put the fruit knife back."

"Okay."

"Good boy."

Perhaps, besides his parents, Luo Yu was the only one who could call Gu Xiaowei a "good boy."

After tidying up the living room, Luo Yu took Gu Xiaowei upstairs and led him back to his bedroom.

Luo Yu watched as Gu Xiaowei lay back on the bed. He tucked him in, then lay down beside him.

Gu Xiaowei turned to face Luo Yu, tucking his chin down low, like a child burrowing into Luo Yu’s embrace, arms tightly wrapping around his waist.

"So, at night, Lu Pingfeng holds a knife while sleepwalking. What does he dream about?" Gu Xiaowei asked in a muffled voice.

Luo Yu laughed. This guy clearly already knew the answer but still wanted to ask him.

"In his dreams, it’s his paintings. The knife is his brush, not meant to destroy, but to make things more profound."

"And you, Senior Brother? What’s the most out-of-line thing you've done?"

When Gu Xiaowei spoke, the warm breath hit Luo Yu’s chest, making him want to pull him out of his embrace. Did this guy not know how torturous this was?

"What’s the most outrageous thing I’ve done?"

Perhaps it's having arrogant and reckless fantasies about you, and scheming to make those fantasies come true.

"Heh..." Luo Yu chuckled lightly, his chest vibrating softly. "I want to step into someone's darkness and grasp his heart. I want him to be under my control, to breathe for me, for his pulse to beat for me; his darkness should only be illuminated by me."

"Who is he?" Gu Xiaowei asked.

His tone sounded casual, like he was just asking what happened next in a bedtime story, but it carried a hint of deep-seated obsession.

"That's also my fantasy." Luo Yu ruffled his hair.

My fantasy is you, Gu Xiaowei.

From the moment I encountered you in the elevator after my rebirth, I decided that I would be drawn to you.

No... perhaps it was already decided in my past life, when I saw you practicing alone on the theater stage, that your name would be my fate.

Gu Xiaowei's needy dependence brought great satisfaction to Luo Yu. Gu Xiaowei's warmth made Luo Yu feel sleepy, as if he could finally set aside the previous heartache and empathy. He embraced Gu Xiaowei and closed his eyes.

It felt like he was dreaming, becoming the person in Gu Xiaowei's fantasies.

When the play ended, the curtain fell, and the audience left like a receding tide, he pinned him in the corner backstage, kissing him wantonly.

Luo Yu's breathing grew longer, and the hand that had been gently soothing Gu Xiaowei's back dropped down.

Who knows how long it had been, but Gu Xiaowei lifted his head to see Luo Yu's unguarded face.

He lightly touched Luo Yu's brows and eyes, kissing his chin.

Turning his head, he wanted to bite down on Luo Yu's throat, branding him, making him feel pain at the mere thought of him.

But Luo Yu looked as if he was already willingly owned by him in his sleep, and he cautiously pressed against Luo Yu's Adam's apple, completely enveloping him.

I need all your care and affection.

Not a trace can be missed, no exceptions.

Because you are the root of all my fantasies.

Luo Yu slept very briefly. He heard his phone alarm ringing wildly from the next room and suddenly realized he was in Gu Xiaowei's room.

He quickly lowered his head. Gu Xiaowei was no longer in his arms, but there was a hand resting on him.

Gu Xiaowei was sleeping with his face mostly buried in the pillow, one arm draped over Luo Yu's body.

Wait, hold on...

Luo Yu realized his pajamas had somehow crept up quite a bit in his sleep.

He hurriedly moved Gu Xiaowei's arm aside and pulled down his pajamas.

How strange, my phone alarm has been ringing for so long, yet Gu Xiaowei's alarm isn't going off.

Just as Luo Yu was about to leave, Gu Xiaowei's arm suddenly reached out, pulling him back as if he weighed nothing.

Next came an embrace that nearly crushed his bones. Gu Xiaowei's head was still buried in the pillow, seemingly an instinctive action before he fully woke up.

"Mmm—" Gu Xiaowei sounded like he didn’t want to wake up, burying his head deeper into the pillow.

For some reason, this willful side of Gu Xiaowei struck Luo Yu as adorable.