TL Note: This chapter’s title (余念难安) is another play on words, and it builds upon my explanation of Yu Nian'An’s name in chapter 93. So what’s that extra character in between Nian(念) and An(安), you ask? Well it’s similar to 不, which dictates the absence of, 难 means ‘troublesome’ or ‘the difficulty to’. So from that, we can infer the meaning of this title as ‘lingering concerns are difficult to put at ease’, or simply ‘Troubled Thoughts’. I couldn’t find a good way to translate this title while also keeping the play on words with her name, so I’m just explaining everything here so y’alls know the double connotations.
Chapter 95 Yu Nian’Anease
Qi Xia steadied himself and looked up at the staircase. The intense tremors had caused numerous cracks to appear in the aging structure. Being a coastal city, Qingdao rarely experienced earthquakes, and the buildings here were not built to withstand significant seismic activity.
Worried that the building could collapse at any moment, he knew he had to find Yu Nian'An urgently.
"An! Can you hear me?! Hurry down!" Qi Xia shouted again, but the whole building swayed, and the cacophony quickly drowned out his voice.
"An..." Qi Xia regained his footing, pressing on towards the upper floor.
Nevertheless, the earthquake's disruption of balance rendered climbing the stairs a nearly impossible feat.
Throbbing pain radiated from his legs, each impact leaving its mark as bruises formed. But with unwavering determination, he inched upward utilizing both hands and feet to bolster his ascent. If Yu Nian'An lost her life in this disaster, Qi Xia saw no reason to carry on himself.
‘Fuck... it's nonstop…’ Qi Xia collapsed to the ground once more, his knees now completely numb. He recalled reading in the news that the strongest tremors of an earthquake typically last only for a brief period, rarely exceeding three minutes. Yet, it felt like the ground had been quaking for nearly five minutes without any sign of abating. How enormous must the magnitude of this earthquake be?
After what felt like an eternity, Qi Xia and his battered and bruised body finally reached the third floor.
The building continued to tremble with an unrelenting force.
He instinctively reached to knock on the door but suddenly remembered that Yu Nian'an might have taken refuge under a table. Running around in such chaos could only heighten the danger. Left with no other option, Qi Xia fumbled for the key in his pocket.
Yet, try as he might, he couldn’t get the key to fit into the lock. His entire body was quaking, his hands trembling uncontrollably, and the building itself swayed violently beneath him. The world felt unsteady, and distant booms echoed, accompanied by the sound of shattering glass.
"Damn it! Damn it!"
With both hands gripping the key, Qi Xia finally managed to insert it into the lock. With a {click}, the door swung open.
"An! Are you there?" Qi Xia shouted, but the silence inside was deafening.
In an instant, a thought struck him. The silence inside the apartment offered only one conclusion: Yu Nian'An was not home.
Without a moment's hesitation, Qi Xia turned to leave, but then he recalled her earlier phone call.
‘No, there’s a second possibility…’
What if she had collapsed and succumbed to her illness?
Caught in a dilemma, he felt the building sway even more violently. If he didn't escape soon, he would surely perish in the rubble. Nevertheless, he couldn't abandon Yu Nian'An.
"An! Are you there?" Qi Xia pushed the door open, and the empty room echoed his call, with only a few simple pieces of furniture askew from the tremors. A glance beneath the small dining table revealed nothing but emptiness.
‘Not here. Perhaps the bedroom?’ He braced himself against the single sofa, struggling to advance, and in a few steps reached the bedroom door. If Yu Nian'an was still at home, she would be confined to this very place.
"An!" As he pushed the door open, a flicker of relief crossed Qi Xia’s face. The bedroom was devoid of life, revealing only a desk and a chair. Qi Xia exhaled deeply, reassured that Yu Nian'An had likely escaped to safety. At this moment, even if he were to die alone, it no longer felt terrifying.
He was about to turn and flee when a shocking realization froze him in place, as if struck by lightning.
Something felt distinctly wrong. A chilling sensation began to creep up on Qi Xia, raising the hairs on his arms and leaving him in a state of unease. Amidst the tremors, he turned to survey the eerie {bedroom}.
Why was there only a desk and a chair? Where was the bed? He paid no mind to the small fragments of debris falling from the ceiling as he took deliberate steps toward the desk. In his memory, there had been a photo of himself and Yu Nian'an displayed there. However, as Qi Xia approached and picked up the photograph, he was startled to find only himself staring back, seemingly dazed. He stood by the ocean, staring emotionlessly at the camera, captured in this solitary moment.
"An…?" Qi Xia seemed to lose his grip on reality, the peace he had just found slipping away entirely. He felt the world spin around him, returning to a state where he stumbled and fell repeatedly until he finally managed to crawl into the living room.
There was a single armchair and a small dining table meant for one person. There wasn’t even a second seat prepared for another occupant.
"What kind of joke is this…" Qi Xia forced a desperate smile. "What are you people trying to pull…?!"
A thought struck him, and he hurried to the entrance, where a small shoe cabinet stood. Gritting his teeth, he opened the cabinet door, only to find a single pair of men’s leather shoes inside.
This room, from top to bottom, bore no trace of Yu Nian'An’s presence at all.
Qi Xia suddenly felt drained of energy and collapsed onto the floor. Memories of his time with Yu Nian'An flooded back vividly: her scent, the warmth of her hand, the way her eyes curved when she smiled—every detail was etched in his mind.
But why was she not here?!
He couldn’t make sense of it. Everything that had happened felt incomprehensible. Just an hour ago, she had called him; how could she possibly not be in this place now?
With trembling hands, Qi Xia slowly pulled out his phone and dialed {A}'s number once more. Slowly, he swallowed his fear, his whole body quaking, an unsettling intuition whispering of what might await him.
"Hello, the number you dialed is unavailable. Please check and try again."
As the cold, bilingual message echoed in his ears, Qi Xia's phone slipped from his grasp and fell to the floor.
Everything felt horrifying.
Yu Nian'An… didn’t exist?
"Impossible..." Qi Xia's gaze suddenly hardened. He could vividly recall the moment they first met, as well as every day they had spent together. She couldn't simply not exist.
"Qi Xia, did you know?" Yu Nian'An's voice reverberated in his mind. "There are many paths in this world, and everyone walks their own."
With renewed determination, Qi Xia stood tall amidst the trembling room. After a moment's thought, he strode back to the bedroom and, without hesitation, yanked open the wardrobe.
Among the many men's clothes, he spotted an old, worn-out white shirt.
He took the white shirt and turned it over, revealing a cartoon goat patch sewn onto the chest. This was hand-stitched by Yu Nian'An. Qi Xia had always dismissed the notion of mending clothes, preferring to discard anything that bore a tear. Without Yu Nian'An’s existence, this little goat would never have come into being.
"God damn it… I understand now…" Qi Xia's gaze hardened as he looked out the window. "{End Point}… you want to drive me insane? You want me to believe I'm a madman?"
Rising slowly, a newfound hatred coursed through him. "Even if you are {Gods}, I demand you return Yu Nian'An to me."
As soon as he spoke, he noticed the sky outside tearing apart, with a massive rift opening up, revealing an abyss of darkness, reminiscent of the boundless universe. The entire ceiling suddenly collapsed with a cataclysmic roar, burying Qi Xia beneath a cascade of rubble. In his final moments, he heard Lin Qin's voice echoing in his ears.
"I’m truly curious about you."
"I don't mean to offend you, but you are a swindler, so what kind of person is your wife?"
"But you have a wife... Even when you’re together, do you still sleep sitting up every night?"