Evening Stars Chapter 40 (Part 2)
Translated by Q the Panda (ko-fi)
Chapter 40.2
The next day, eight days remained until the entrance exam, and Dasang Choedon looked much more alert and composed.
Gods could reach toward believers. From Xu Nanheng's perspective, faith was like energy circulating within a person and returning to its starting point. The believer chanted scriptures to the god, finding inner release. Xu Nanheng saw this as self-relief rather than divine power. Yet, perhaps there was a one-in-a-million chance that, under the moonlight, one or two lines of the scripture were met with a response from the divine.
Who could say?
He continued explaining the papers. After finishing the ones they had taken yesterday, he moved on to the last few major questions from other provinces, carefully going over those that overlapped in type.
It wasn't just the students who were tense. Xu Nanheng himself had reached a certain threshold of strain. His throat was hoarse, shoulders and neck ached, and his back was sore. Even lying in bed, he kept looking at Beijing question banks on his phone after long hours at the desk.
On the afternoon of July 1, a bus came to the village to take the students to the county.
The county junior high school had freed up dorm rooms. Everyone rested there the night of July 1 and went straight to the exam the next day, avoiding the need to wake up three hours early and the fatigue of a long bus ride.
The dorms were cramped, so eight students had to share a single room.
Fang Shiyou knew that Xu Nanheng was in the county, but he hadn't disturbed him. He understood that Teacher Xu needed to maintain this state. Even though he didn't need to teach anymore today, at this very moment, he, the students, and the teachers were a unified whole. No one left early, and no one relaxed prematurely. He didn't even follow the bus in his own car for comfort. He took the same bus, which shook slightly better than a cement mixer.
The teachers had to make do with reclining chairs and benches shoved together for the night in the meeting room. Before going to sleep, Xu Nanheng went outside the school to have a cigarette. He sent Fang Shiyou a message on WeChat: I'm so nervous.
Fang Shiyou: Where are you?
Xu Nanheng: On the steps outside the milk tea shop by the school gate.
About ten minutes later, Fang Shiyou arrived. From a distance, he saw Xu Nanheng sitting on the steps outside the shop like a runaway high school student, smoking a cigarette, a small spark flickering at his lips in the night.
“I didn't expect you to come over,” Xu Nanheng looked up at him. “I just came out for a smoke.”
Fang Shiyou sat down next to him and took out a cigarette box. “Is there a conflict between smoking and seeing me?”
Xu Nanheng held the cigarette between his fingers and smiled. “I didn't mean that. I was just afraid you were busy and went to all the trouble of rushing over.”
“It's no trouble.” Fang Shiyou cupped the back of his head, pulled him close, and kissed him. “The students have exams tomorrow. I'm worried too.”
Fang Shiyou wasn't on duty today, but he had nothing to do at home, so he stayed in the hospital office reading articles. After receiving Xu Nanheng's WeChat message, he had come over.
Xu Nanheng stubbed out the cigarette on the ground and pinched the filter between his fingers. “I don't know if I'm doing well enough. On the way here this afternoon, I kept thinking about the questions I taught yesterday. You-ge, I feel like I don't have enough experience. Maybe I shouldn't be here. There should be someone more experienced and capable than me.”
Fang Shiyou's warm hand gripped his wrist. He guided Xu Nanheng's right hand onto his own knee, covering it with his palm. “They are only junior high students. Your teaching has been more than good enough.”
Xu Nanheng sighed.
Fang Shiyou said, “Our professions aren't that different. Most of the time, we follow procedures, do everything we can, rely on the experience of those before us, or the textbooks, but the outcome is never fully under our control. The knowledge you teach may not all be absorbed, and the treatment we provide may not work one hundred percent.”
Xu Nanheng turned his head and looked at him quietly. “I'm afraid it's because I'm not capable enough.”
“You passed all the assessments, didn't you?” Fang Shiyou said firmly. Although there was no extra lighting, the moonlight was gentle, and the sky was full of stars.
Fang Shiyou: “It's normal to feel like this. I've done so many surgeries, and sometimes I even think, ‘This case needs a doctor,’ only to despair when I realize, ‘The doctor is me.’”
Xu Nanheng smiled. “Show me your medical license, then.”
“You show me your teaching certificate first.”
“Tsk.” Xu Nanheng looked away toward the county school. “Do I really need to? I've poured my heart into this. Dasang Choedon is bound to get into Lhasa.”
Fang Shiyou watched the side of his face, smiling gently. He lifted Xu Nanheng's hand, brought it to his lips, and kissed the back of his hand. Xu Nanheng turned back and asked, “Where do you think Choedon will go for university?”
“University?” Fang Shiyou hadn't thought that far. After considering it, he said, “That depends on which subjects she excels at in senior high.”
“True.” Xu Nanheng nodded. “If she studies Chemistry, I guess I'll have to cut ties with her.”
“……” Fang Shiyou looked at him. “Do you hate Chemistry that much?”
Xu Nanheng met his gaze and nodded twice.
“Will she come back someday?” Xu Nanheng asked. “I actually really like it here. I haven't been to many places, but Tibet is the most unique I've seen.”
Fang Shiyou said gently, “She will come back. She might go to Hangzhou, taste a bite of West Lake vinegar fish, and then run back to Southern Tibet in tears. Or she might go to Beijing, drink some traditional fermented mung bean gruel at an old shop, and then run back to Southern Tibet in tears.”
“I see you've been checking out all those exaggerated reviews of West Lake vinegar fish……” Xu Nanheng gave him a sidelong glance, then added, “What if she's exceptionally talented and ends up loving fermented mung bean gruel?”
“Then it means she's destined to belong to Beijing,” Fang Shiyou replied calmly.
Xu Nanheng smiled. “It doesn't matter. Wherever she ends up is fine. Life is short. She should see more of the world.”
After seeing Fang Shiyou, Xu Nanheng felt much better. They sat on the empty steps and kissed, not deeply, but lingeringly.
Once the entrance exam ended, Teacher Xu would return to Beijing. Their next meeting after that would be in Beijing.
They finished the kiss and sat very close, looking at each other without saying a word.
When the exam began the next day, Xu Nanheng maintained his strict teacher persona, watching all the students enter the exam one by one. He didn't have a proctor badge, so he stood at the school gate, keeping a close eye on them.
His gaze was terrifying, exactly the same as when they had done the mock exam at the village school. Even Zhou Yang, Dorje, and Diki fell silent as they passed in front of him.
“You three, don't walk shoulder-to-shoulder! Why are you so close? What, still want to chat?” Xu Nanheng barked coldly.
In short, everything felt familiar, and that wasn't entirely a bad thing.
The next day, after the exam, Xu Nanheng checked each student's ID and pen. One boy had folded his admission ticket into three creases. Xu Nanheng shot him a look that made sweat break out across half his forehead.
“Can't keep your hands still, can you?” Xu Nanheng asked. “If you can't keep them still, go copy some vocabulary words for me.”
Well, no one dared make a sound. Even Sonam Tsomo, standing nearby, pressed his lips into a thin line.
The following day, they had English, History, and Physics-Chemistry exams. English was the students' weak point. When the morning exam began, Xu Nanheng, like yesterday, stayed near the county school, finding a spot to sit. He hoped they could hear the listening comprehension clearly and that the reading comprehension wouldn't have too many unfamiliar words.
The July sun in Southern Tibet was fierce. He wore a baseball cap, and a shadow fell across him.
He looked up, didn't see a face, then tapped the brim with his index finger and saw who it was. “Dr. Fang.”
“Let's go,” Fang Shiyou said.
“Where?” Xu Nanheng asked as he stood, though he was perfectly willing to follow.
About twenty minutes later, the car stopped at the foot of the mountain on the edge of the county town, by the temple located halfway up the slope. Xu Nanheng had skipped climbing it the first time he came.
Back then, he hadn't yet adapted to the high-altitude plateau, so walking the mountain path made him short of breath. But by today, he had no problem at all.
This time, he walked up with Fang Shiyou. The mountain wind blew, and colorful prayer flags fluttered, rustling in the breeze. The number of visitors was similar to that day. Some were resting by the path, some carrying oxygen tanks.
Xu Nanheng saw the big stone where a tourist aunt had made him step for a photo, and the spot where his face had nearly been stepped on by a kitten.
He looked back at the county below, retracing the road he had come along.
Last time, a passerby had asked why he hadn't gone up to see the temple. He had said the fate wasn't right yet. Now, he turned to Fang Shiyou and felt that perhaps the time had come.
“Teacher Xu.”
“Hm?” Xu Nanheng looked at him.
Fang Shiyou reached out. “Tired?”
Xu Nanheng took his hand. “No, I can still walk.”
The temple, with its white walls and golden roof, was built into the mountainside. Fang Shiyou led him up the stairs.
They knelt before the Buddha statues.
Xu Nanheng understood the meaning behind Fang Shiyou bringing him here. Fang Shiyou wanted to show him that all he could do had been done, and the students had done their part. The rest could be left to the gods and Buddhas. Just like chanting a sutra, perhaps, a line or two would reach the divine.