Evening Stars Chapter 37 (Part 1)
Translated by Q the Panda (ko-fi)
Chapter 37.1
Xu Nanheng had been living and eating at the school since coming to Tibet, resolutely holding back from smoking on school grounds.
Under the desolate night sky, next to the small hospital's outer wall, he lit a cigarette and sighed. “This volunteer teaching trip almost made me quit smoking.”
Dr. Fang smiled. “Quitting wouldn't be so bad. Smoke less.”
At that, Xu Nanheng gave him a sidelong glance. “Then why don't you, as a doctor, set an example?”
“Go ahead and lecture me, Teacher.” Dr. Fang smiled at him, hands in his pockets, eyes warm, a cigarette between his lips. “I'll listen carefully.”
Dressed in an immaculate white lab coat over a black turtleneck, the cigarette dangling from his lips created a striking contrast. Xu Nanheng narrowed his eyes, taking a moment to appreciate the view.
He had always been composed. If one were to ask what advantages his wealthy family directly bestowed upon his character, it would be this sense of ease and self-confidence, along with an absolute refusal to look back at explosions. Perhaps ‘unconstrained’ would be the better word. Just like that kiss the day he decided to go to the landslide-stricken village to find Fang Shiyou.
“I want to ask you something.”
“Go ahead.”
“During the rescue, those six days when there was no word from you, the day I went looking for you.”
“Mmm.”
“How did you know I was going to kiss you?”
Fang Shiyou froze for a moment. Back then, he couldn't even describe what he was feeling. The camp had a severe water shortage, and though there was a mountain spring nearby, it still took a long and difficult trek to fetch it.
He'd been exhausted, both physically and mentally. Then he saw Xu Nanheng. At that moment, Fang Shiyou no longer had the strength to think. Questions like ‘Why are you here?’ or ‘Can I kiss you?’ did not even cross his mind. When he walked up to Xu Nanheng, held him, and kissed him, it was completely driven by the blood that branched out from his heart, traveling through his limbs and returning to his heart.
Every nerve in him, cranial, spinal, autonomic, sensory, motor, all screamed at him: ‘Kiss him!’
“I didn't know,” Fang Shiyou said. “I didn't know you were going to kiss me. I only knew I wanted to kiss you. My brain wasn't working, and I didn't think about the consequences.”
This was the absolute truth. After he said it, he crushed his cigarette and tossed it into the trash. Saying it out loud felt like setting down a heavy stone in his chest.
Then Fang Shiyou went on, “Later…… in the following days when I was back at the county hospital, the days were manageable only when I was busy. Whenever things got quiet, I'd start to feel afraid.”
“Afraid of what?” Xu Nanheng also put out his cigarette, exhaling the last puff of smoke upwards. Fang Shiyou had noticed that Teacher Xu always liked to exhale the final bit of smoke toward the sky, and when he lifted his head to do so, the flowing, graceful line of his neck made him instinctively want to look further at the view beneath his collar.
Xu Nanheng turned his head toward him. “Afraid that maybe I was only worried about you as a friend, but then you suddenly kissed me, so we wouldn't even be friends anymore?”
“Mm.” Fang Shiyou rarely allowed himself to be dissected by someone else. Usually, he was the one doing the cutting open, though only in the physical sense. Most of the time, the people he faced were either colleagues or patients. Interactions with colleagues involved coordination and communication, whereas with patients, he was entirely in the driver's seat, assuming a position of ‘I inform you, and you follow.’
So for him, losing control and kissing Xu Nanheng had been a complete breach of boundary, something far beyond his control, even beyond what he believed himself capable of.
Fang Shiyou never acted beyond the limits of what he could control. It wasn't safe.
Seeing him slowly grow dejected, Xu Nanheng took a step forward, then another, until Dr. Fang's back was against the wall. Because Dr. Fang was a few centimeters taller, Xu Nanheng had to lift his chin slightly as he leaned closer. His tone carried a hint of challenge as he said, “What's there to be afraid of? I'm not afraid. I like you. If I got to kiss you, that's a win for me. And if that means we can't even be friends afterward, so what? We were never meant to be just friends anyway.”
When he finished speaking, Xu Nanheng lifted his chin, trapping the doctor against the wall, and kissed him. He placed a hand on Fang Shiyou's waist, taking the initiative in both gesture and touch. Beneath his white coat, Fang Shiyou had on nothing but a sweater, and Xu Nanheng had always liked his figure. Ever since that stormy night when Fang Shiyou had taken him back to his apartment in the county town and Xu Nanheng had unexpectedly seen him half-undressed, he'd been wanting to touch him properly.
His hand unscrupulously caressed Fang Shiyou's waist, sliding along his side to his abs, making him look completely like a little hoodlum. Dr. Fang was nearly undone by the teacher's kiss, and at the end, Xu Nanheng even bit his lower lip.
“You're quite naughty,” Fang said, licking the spot that had been bitten.
Xu Nanheng noticed how long the doctor's eyelashes were, especially when his eyes lowered halfway, casting a faint shadow over his gaze. Xu Nanheng licked his own lips in return. “Not as naughty as you. You're the one who said you wanted me to have your baby.”
That was true, Fang Shiyou admitted it with a small nod, his thumb brushing twice along Xu Nanheng's jaw.
It was time for Teacher Xu to go back. It was getting late, and if he didn't head back to tidy up and sleep, he wouldn't be able to get up in time for the morning reading tomorrow. He didn't want to leave, but this wasn't the time to act on impulse. They had come all the way from Beijing, so he had to weigh what was important.
A quick kiss to take the edge off was enough. Xu Nanheng gave Fang Shiyou's firm abs a couple of fond pats, then pressed twice more. “Let's go.”
“I'll walk you back.” Fang Shiyou straightened from where he'd been leaning against the wall.
Then, like teenagers in love, the two of them held hands under the cover of night, fingers tightly laced together. Before this moment, Xu Nanheng had always thought holding hands like this was childish. Back in Beijing, during his internship, he'd occasionally see students secretly hand-holding on the stairs, hiding among the crowd.
But now that it was his turn, he realized that interlocking fingers created such an intimate connection — a tight hold where palms and fingers fit together perfectly, leaving no gap.
Unfortunately, as they rounded the side of the building toward the hospital's main entrance, they ran right into Sonam Tsomo, who was leading Dolkar out. The dim light through the hospital's grimy glass doors barely reached them, but both men instantly let go. They couldn't tell if Sonam Tsomo had seen anything.
For two or three seconds, the air hung still. Then Sonam Tsomo smiled first. “Good evening. I brought Dolkar to get her blood drawn so we can take the results straight to the county hospital tomorrow.”
“Oh.” Fang Shiyou quickly adjusted himself. “That's more convenient.”
Then he asked, “How's Dolkar been lately? Any coughing when she lies flat?”
“Not at the moment. Everything's been fairly stable,” Sonam Tsomo replied.
Tashi Dolkar was an easygoing child, and since she was standing on the other side, Xu Nanheng was certain she hadn't noticed anything. But he couldn't be so sure about Principal Sonam.
After a few brief words, Sonam Tsomo turned to him with a gentle smile. “Teacher Xu, let's walk back together.”
“Oh, okay, okay.” Xu Nanheng stammered a little and went straight toward her. It was Fang Shiyou who called after him with a soft ‘bye-bye,’ pulling him back to his senses. He turned, nodded politely, and said a mechanical ‘good night’ in return.
The walk back took about five minutes. The whole way, Xu Nanheng was caught in an internal battle, frantically analyzing whether Sonam Tsomo had seen them holding hands. Before he could reach a conclusion, she lifted a hand and lightly patted his back.
“Don't be so nervous,” she said with a smile. “It's fine. Dr. Fang is a good man, and you're a good man too. I'm happy for you both.”
“Huh……?” Xu Nanheng froze. He hadn't expected Principal Sonam to be so gentle and accepting, nor had he expected her to just openly say that, especially with Dolkar walking right next to them.
Sonam Tsomo was always warm and kind. It took Xu Nanheng a few seconds to recover before he said, “So you did see…… I'm sorry about that.”
As he apologized, his gaze shifted toward her daughter. What worried him most was leaving a strange impression on Tashi Dolkar. Sonam Tsomo noticed his glance and chuckled. “I've got 5.0 vision, pilot's eyesight. And it's fine, Dolkar can completely accept it.”
Right after she said that, Dolkar poked her head forward, nodded, and said, “I'll keep it a secret!”
She was a clever little thing, and Xu Nanheng had known that for a long time.
“Anyway,” he said, still feeling guilty, “please don't worry. It won't affect my teaching at all.”
As soon as he said it, Xu Nanheng felt ridiculous, as if he were one of those high schoolers insisting that dating wouldn't affect their grades.
“I have full confidence in you,” Sonam Tsomo said. “I think I'm pretty good at reading people. You're a responsible teacher, and you've worked hard these past few months.”
Xu Nanheng felt unworthy of the praise. With his electric blanket, space heater, and even a coffee machine, his living standard had far surpassed the village's average living conditions. He shook his head. “No, no, it's just part of my job.”
“Alright, don't feel pressured, and don't overthink it,” Sonam Tsomo said, stopping with Dolkar at the school gate. “We're believers. The Bodhisattvas are compassionate and tolerant. Both you and Dr. Fang came here to aid Tibet. We would never judge you for something like this. Besides, it isn't a sin.”
Principal Sonam's words made Xu Nanheng feel much better. After returning to his dorm, he sent a message to Fang Shiyou on WeChat, telling him everything was fine and roughly repeating what the principal had said. Fang Shiyou let out a quiet sigh of relief.
They chatted a little longer. Xu Nanheng said that Principal Sonam had sharp vision, great competence, a kind heart, and a wise, accepting outlook on life. He felt it was truly a pity that such a person was confined to a place like this. Fang Shiyou could only comfort him, saying that if even Principal Sonam were to leave, then this place might truly be finished.
That was true. Without a principal, even the school-to-school volunteer teaching programs might not be able to continue. Feeling somewhat reassured, they said goodnight and went to sleep one after the other.