Mistaken Canary Chapter 74
Chapter 74
01: Unmissable Details of Chinese New Year
During the first month of the lunar year, the Zhuo household welcomed a steady stream of visiting relatives and friends. Zhuo Fu and Mu Qing were especially generous in introducing Ying Tongchen to everyone.
At first, Ying Tongchen felt awkward, though not the usual kind of 100% pure awkwardness.
If it was depicted on a pie chart, it’d be: 30% awe, 30% anxiety, and 40% delight.
Fortunately, within a few days, he grew accustomed to this kind of routine. He followed Zhuo Shu and Zhuo Zi around each day, greeting everyone, "Hello, Uncle, Auntie."
"My name is Ying Tongchen, I’m twenty-seven, employed stably, I have a car, a house, and a partner."
"I don’t really have any special talents."
"Say something in English? Happy New Year?"
"I seriously have no talent for performing… but I do have a friend who’s a celebrity. He scales trees like a monkey—three seconds and he’s gone."
"Auntie, really, there's no need, please, I can't accept the red envelope!"
On the other side of the room, Zhuo Zi was going through the exact same ordeal. After being grilled about her grades and asked to showcase her talents, she’d already cycled through piano, guitar, erhu, and suona. Now she was onto a full 360-degree backflip followed by a perfect split landing—earning round after round of thunderous applause.
Ying Tongchen: "…" Terrifying beyond belief.
So this was Chinese New Year?
Watching Zhuo Zi tearfully attempting to write spring couplets with her foot, he backed away from the crowd in horror and beat a hasty retreat.
He wandered the house in search of Zhuo Shu and eventually reached the right side of the living room, where a circle of seasoned chess and poker veterans had gathered. A bunch of middle-aged uncles were either in the game or loudly backseat-playing.
Zhuo Fu and Tei Cher had formed a fearsome duo, sweeping the table clean—until the final round, when the alliance shattered and the two turned on each other in a dramatic showdown, wielding insults and curses as their weapons.
Zhuo Fu roared, “I curse you to find every instant noodle missing its seasoning, clog the toilet with every flush, buy soda cans with no tabs, get milk tea without a straw, bite into watermelon that’s all seeds, and get cut in line no matter where you go!”
Tei Cher retorted, “I curse your phone signal to be intercepted by aliens—you won’t be able to make calls, send WeChat messages, or go online ever again. May you spend your whole life without a usable phone!”
Ying Tongchen: “…” You two have watched way too many dramas.
Still no sign of Zhuo Shu.
He moved on to the other side of the house, where the ladies were gathered for an elegant afternoon tea time.
A poised, refined woman sat with an embroidery needle in hand, concentrating on her cross-stitch work. “Sis, can you stop playing games for a second and look at the gift I made for you?”
Mu Qing barely spared her a glance. “What gift?”
“‘Harmony Family Prosperity’. What do you think of the craftsmanship?”
Mu Qing rolled her eyes. “Put that thing down and we can still be sisters.”
Another woman, having just set aside her tablet, which displayed a sea of plunging red and green stock charts that could not look more tragic, adjusted her glasses. “Second Sister, stop with that already and help me pick a new stock.”
The one with the embroidery needle casually tapped the screen, “That one.”
“Perfect.”
Ying Tongchen: “…”
Several teenagers were playing in the courtyard, Ying Tongchen glanced over and didn’t spot Zhuo Shu among them.
Just then, laughter from a group of younger children rang out from the second floor. He headed upstairs, following the sound to the doorway of the walk-in closet—only to find Zhuo Shu sitting on the floor, surrounded by a group of giggling six- and seven-year-olds.
His clothes were in disarray, hair a complete mess, and standing before him was a pretty little girl with a white veil perched on her head.
Zhuo Shu glanced over at him, eyes screaming for help.
Ying Tongchen had only taken a couple of steps when the little girl suddenly declared, “Do you take me as your bride?”
Ying Tongchen: “……”
Zhuo Shu pleaded, “Little ancestors*, can we not do this? How about we go downstairs and play video games instead?”
(TLN: Ancestors (祖宗) in Chinese was originally referred to a young master in the context of a servant expressing anxiousness, but over time, it has evolved into a term used by parents or adults to express a mix of exasperation and affection toward a person/child.)
The little girl huffed, “No video games! Cousin has to play ‘bride and groom’ with us, or I’ll cry!”
The other kids immediately burst into wails in solidarity.
Zhuo Shu felt overwhelmed, running around to soothe one kid after another, struggling to explain, “It’s not that I don’t want to play with you all, I really have a wife already.”
“Where?” the little girl asked.
Zhuo Shu pointed at Ying Tongchen.
The group of kids all turned to him, tears and snot still on their faces, their eyes sparkling brightly and adorably.
Ying Tongchen softened and sat down, looking at them directly, waving his hand, “Hello, everyone.”
The little girl suddenly shook her head, “No, you’re not the bride.”
“He is,” Zhuo Shu insisted firmly.
The girl took off the white veil from her head and placed it on Ying Tongchen’s head, then clapped her small hands excitedly, “Now you’re the bride.”
Ying Tongchen: “……” Didn’t expect such a tiny person to have such a strong sense of ceremony.
Zhuo Shu’s shoulder trembled slightly when he saw Ying Tongchen reach out to pull the veil off, he quietly interjected, “Aren’t you afraid they’ll cry again?”
Ying Tongchen paused, “Then what should I do?”
Zhuo Shu quickly turned his head and distracted the kids, “You all should go and see the pretty dresses Zhuo Zi prepared for you all!”
“Yay!” The lead little girl immediately ran off, followed by the others.
Zhuo Shu grabbed the veil, hesitated for a moment, then gently lifted it from the front and softly asked, “Will you be my bride?”
“Yes!” A female voice from the doorway answered for him.
Zhuo Shu: “……”
Mu Qing was heading upstairs with her girlfriends when they happened to catch sight of this scene.
The woman who had spoken sighed, “Big sis, why don’t you give the kids a proper wedding? This is way too shabby.”
Zhuo Shu: “……”
Ying Tongchen: “……”
***
02: When Acting Becomes a Survival Skill
Ying Tongchen had only just finished getting acquainted with the Zhuo family’s many relatives when an entirely different, unexpected group arrived the next morning.
The usually quiet Zhuo household was suddenly provoked by a loud, commanding voice.
“Everyone inside, you’re surrounded! Surrender now and hand over the red envelopes!”
Ying Tongchen put down his laptop and looked out. “Sounds like Shi Tiwei’s voice.”
“He’s here again?!” Zhuo Shu stood up with a grave expression and went to the door, only to see a young, dense crowd gathered outside.
Mu Qing leaned in to see. “Who are you all?”
“We’re all Zhuo Zi’s classmates, here to wish Mr. Ying a Happy Chinese New Year!” Shi Tiwei announced.
Mu Qing smiled. “Then come on in and have fun.”
The group crowded into the living room, chattering nonstop. When they saw Ying Tongchen, their mouths were dripping with honeyed words.
Good Graes said, “Teacher, I finished my homework early!”
Ying Tongchen smiled warmly. “Good job.”
“Teacher, this is a safety blessing amulet I got from the temple a few days ago, for you,” Kin Ofdumb said.
“Thank you,” Ying Tongchen accepted it happily.
But nearby, another classmate looked unhappy. “Didn’t you say that you only got one amulet, the ‘pass every exam’ that you got for me, Kin Ofdumb?”
Kin Ofdumb replied, “Yes, only you have the ‘pass every exam’ amulet.”
The students chimed in one after another: “Mine’s the instant-riches amulet!” “I got the sugar-mama amulet!” “Mine guarantees a lifetime supply of luosifen!” “I drew the ‘marry Yui Hatano’ amulet!”
Ying Tongchen watched them bickering in a lively mess, as if transported back to the hustle and bustle of break time.
After a moment, Shi Tiwei interrupted the topic. “Teacher, the NCEE Study Guides you gave me have no answer keys. Did you forget to give it to me?”
Ying Tongchen replied, “That was intentional.”
Shi Tiwei slumped on the sofa, eyes wandering around as he said, “We’ve been here so long, why hasn’t Zhuo Zi shown up yet?”
Zhuo Fu arranged for the housekeeper to bring tea and snacks, smiling as he replied, “She hasn’t gotten up yet; her mom is going to wake her now.”
Shi Tiwei grinned happily at Ban Zhang. “Oh my, catching a glimpse of our goddess fresh from sleep—so lucky!”
Ban Zhang gave him a cool glance but said nothing.
He arrived alone today. Knowing he was visiting a friend, his recently discharged grandparents took it upon themselves to watch over his sister at home.
Just as everyone was making a fuss, a door upstairs opened.
Zhuo Zi rubbed her eyes and walked to the doorway, her hair messy and loose. She suddenly froze, staring blankly at the crowd downstairs.
The crowd: “...”
“Holy crap!” Zhuo Zi quickly turned and slammed the door shut. Laughter erupted from below.
Shi Tiwei was stunned. Why was their goddess wearing SpongeBob pajamas? Why was her hair so messy? Did she just swear? Did she have eye gunk?
He threw his questions to Ban Zhang, who calmly retorted, “Don’t you think it’s cute?”
“Cute, yes,” Shi Tiwei whispered, “but, well, the goddess I imagined was always alluring and beautiful.”
Hearing this, Ban Zhang added, “Let me tell you a secret—she not only swears, but also grinds her teeth, sleepwalks, farts, and picks her toes.”
Shi Tiwei: I’m about to crack.jpg
Flustered, A’Wei didn’t even realize how Ban Zhang knew about Zhuo Zi’s teeth grinding and sleepwalking. Right now, his mind was full of the goddess’s shattered image.
Seeing his expression of utter despair, Ban Zhang smiled helplessly. Then he turned and caught sight of Ying Tongchen’s bland smile, causing his ears to flush slightly.
After everyone lingered in the living room for a while, Zhuo Fu and Mu Qing arranged a nearby villa party and led the whole group there.
Once most of them had left, Ying Tongchen finally found Zhuo Shu in the study.
“Why are you hiding here?” he asked.
“I’m afraid they’ll ask about gossip,” Zhuo Shu replied.
Ying Tongchen chuckled, “What’s there to be afraid of?”
“Afraid they’ll ask how we met,” Zhuo Shu walked over. “I’m still unsure how to answer—a canary arrangement or just a hookup?”
“I always say—” Ying Tongchen started, but then suddenly stopped, turning his head toward the doorway.
Zhuo Zi was frozen.
Fro. Zen.
She had quickly finished her makeup, slipped into her most beautiful dress, ready to head out to meet her classmates—only to overhear that?!
Aaaaah!
Why must she always have to endure so much?!
Others get ‘eargasms’, but hers kept suffering miscarriage after miscarriage!
Why must she be so good at hearing?
Ying Tongchen scratched his nose, trying to explain, “You probably misheard. We met through a mutual friend.”
“Excusie, Excusie me, please move aside.” Zhuo Zi groped forward with both hands, eyes vacant. “I’m blind—I can’t hear anything.”
A true actor’s skill: effortlessly slipping into the role of a blind person on the spot.
…
When Zhuo Zi finally reached the villa where her classmates were, she stood at the corner of the second-floor staircase, unable to calm down for a long time. The others were scattered around the game room, gym, billiards room, and KTV.
“What are you thinking about?” Ban Zhang climbed up the stairs and sighed in relief upon seeing her. God knew how long he’d been wandering around this villa.
“Have some water.” Ban Zhang handed her a bottle.
Zhuo Zi took it in a daze, wrapping her hands tightly around his.
Feeling her grip, Ban Zhang paused, his fingertips warming as he softly asked, “What’s wrong?”
“Oh, sorry,” Zhuo Zi came to her senses and set the water down on the nearby table, looking straight into his eyes. “Ban Zhang, I have something to tell you.”
Ban Zhang noticed the seriousness in her tone, yet there was a hint of excitement in her expression. Gazing into her delicate, beautiful eyes, an unlikely guess stirred quietly in his heart, causing his pulse to skip unexpectedly. A seed long buried inside him seemed to be sprouting.
“What is it?” Ban Zhang asked calmly, secretly slipping his trembling hands into his pockets.
Zhuo Zi suddenly wrapped her arms around his arm. “Are you my best friend?”
Ban Zhang stiffened, staring at her so close, stammering, “I–I think so?”
She asked again, “Don’t you often help write love letters?”
Ban Zhang nearly held his breath. “Yeah.”
“Your literary skills must be really good, far beyond mine.” Zhuo Zi looked around briefly, then tiptoed up, hand over mouth as if about to share a secret.
Ban Zhang’s heart stopped beating.
Then he heard her whisper like a devil: “About that time you said you’d consider helping me write a novel—have you thought it over?”
Ban Zhang: "."
He stood there stunned for a long moment before blinking and turning to look at her, only to realize how close they were.
The light fell softly on her cheek, casting a faint shadow from her long lashes. Her skin was porcelain-smooth, and her ruby-red lips parted gently. “I’ve even thought of a great plot. Thank heavens for all of this inspo.”
Ban Zhang: "?"
“I even came up with a title: The Chairman’s Mistaken Canary. You write it under my account, I guarantee it’ll be a hit. And how about a 9:1 split? Nine for you, one for me.” Zhuo Zi’s eyes sparkled. “Good cut, right?”
Ban Zhang: "..."
“No?” Zhuo Zi tilted her head, glancing at his expression. Though she couldn’t quite read it, his long hesitation said enough. “Alright then, I’ll just do it myself. It’s just I’ve been so busy lately, but once I’m done, it’ll be fine. Oh, and remember to keep this a secret, got it?”
Ban Zhang: “Mm.”
Zhuo Zi giggled, and Ban Zhang looked at her smile, the corner of his mouth curling slightly.
“Oh? You’ve got a pretty charming smile,” Zhuo Zi remarked, surprised. “And now that I look closer… you’re kinda handsome. Your face is a little red—too hot in here? I’m feeling it too. Let me take my jacket off.”
Ban Zhang: “...”
At that moment, Mu Qing’s voice rang out: “Aiya.”
They both turned to see Mu Qing and Zhuo Fu arm in arm, their eyes fixed intently on them.
Zhuo Zi and Ban Zhang glanced at each other, suddenly realizing how suggestive their posture looked. They quickly stepped apart by about a foot.
Ban Zhang turned his face away. “Uh, it’s not what you think.”
Zhuo Zi had only halfway taken off her jacket. She originally thought it was no big deal, but going by the riveted stares from her parents, she felt they expected some story behind her and Ban Zhang’s pose. Her face flushed, and in a barely audible voice she said, “We’re just good friends, yeah, the best of friends.”
“Excusie, Excusie me, please move aside.” Mu Qing suddenly flailed her hands in the air, eyes vacant. “I’m blind, can’t see a thing—husband, please support me.”
Zhuo Zi: “...”
So it goes, acting requires both genes and talent. Some people are just born to be queens of the stage.