Mistaken Canary Chapter 2
Apologies for the slow updates, this is my secondary project…. I’ll try to stockpile as much as I can though cause currently I have none hahaha
Proofread by CitrusP
Chapter 2
At the sight of the stunning beauty, Ying Tongchen was struck by a sudden, impulsive thought. His feet moved of their own accord, carrying him straight into the room.
He barely had time to process the situation when the man in front of him spoke curtly, "Go take a shower."
…
Ying Tongchen found himself sitting in the bathroom. Though the alcohol buzzed faintly in his veins, his mind was alarmingly clear. He grabbed his phone and shot off a WeChat message to his close friend.
[Ying]: You there?
[Ying] nudged [Not Meng Gong*], mmm what a perky butt[1].
(TLN: This is a pun. Meng Gong’s name (孟功;mèng gōng) sounds like ‘猛攻(měng gōng)’ which translates to ‘strong top/seme’)
"......"
Unfortunately, Meng Gong's butt was nudged into putty, but there was still no response—he was probably still busy dropping off that kid.
Left with no other option, Ying Tongchen exited WeChat and turned to the internet, quickly searching for the proper steps to clean out the backside. Although he’d looked it up ages ago, a refresher wouldn’t hurt—better safe than sorry.
After taking a shower and cleaning out, he slipped into a bathrobe and stepped out of the bathroom.
The sound of the door opening made the man jump. He fumbled and hastily shoved a bottle under his pillow.
"What are you looking at?" Ying Tongchen blurted out without thinking. After all, sneaky behavior like this was practically a daily occurrence in his class.
The man coughed awkwardly and gave the pillow a pat, clearly trying to change the subject. "Nothing. It’s nothing."
But Ying Tongchen had already pieced it together—lubricant. He couldn’t seriously be checking the instructions now, could he?
"You—"
"I was just checking the expiration date!" The man suddenly raised his voice.
"Oh." Ying Tongchen glanced at him, noting the serious expression paired with slightly reddened ears. Oddly enough, the man’s awkward demeanor helped steady his own nerves. He sat down beside him.
The man subtly shifted a centimeter away.
This wasn’t at all like the commanding and domineering figure Ying Tongchen had imagined. Curiosity piqued, he asked, "What’s your name?"
Clearing his throat, the man replied, "Ahem, Zhuo Shu. Didn’t they notify you?"
"No." Ying Tongchen furrowed his brow, "So… your surname is Ahem?"
"Oh no—my surname is Zhuo."
"Oh."
Zhuo Shu paused before asking, "And you?"
"Ying Tongchen (应同尘). Ying as in ‘ought to(应该)’, and Tongchen, from ‘concealed brilliance, as humble as dust (和光同尘)’."
"I see."
The air grew uncomfortably stiff.
No, this was not the desired ambience for a booty call. After all, it was this man who personally had arranged this hookup. Moreover, he himself had been single for so many years, it was only natural to take the plunge when someone checked all his boxes. Add a little alcohol to the mix, and things should’ve been heating up by now.
Wasn’t this supposed to feel like ‘Heavenly Thunder Ignites Earthly Fire[2]’, where they just hit a home run directly?
So why did it feel more like two elementary school kids shyly introducing themselves for the first time?
Ying Tongchen had no choice but to keep the conversation going. "How old are you?"
Zhuo Shu instinctively opened his mouth to respond but suddenly remembered—he was supposed to be the bankroller here. He needed to come off as commanding and assertive. Switching gears, he said curtly, "Lie down."
"?"
Wait—how did the topic change so abruptly?
Ying Tongchen hesitated, debating whether he should feign shyness to match the mood. But before he could decide, his gaze landed on the man, who was already completely stripped.
With a chiseled chest, defined abs, and that sharp mermaid line, Zhuo Shu’s body was a sight to behold. Ying Tongchen’s eyes lingered appreciatively for half a second before he promptly lay down, straight as a board, and braced himself with no small amount of anticipation.
The preparations were in place. The two men, still barely acquainted, were about to officially establish diplomatic relations. The high-speed train was about to commence its journey, and space station Tiangong-1 was ready to join up.
As the spaceship touched down, Ying Tongchen’s pupils widened in shock.
Fuck.
…
Ying Tongchen was drenched in sweat, struggling to catch his breath as he collapsed limply onto the bed. Staring at the man before him—his chiseled jaw and deep-set eyes—he let out a long, defeated sigh.
What a pity. Such a handsome guy, yet his skills were inversely proportional to the size of his junk.
Zhuo Shu, still unsatisfied, was preparing for a second round of landing.
At least, Ying Tongchen thought, he should try to boost the guy’s confidence—it was their first time, after all. Racking his brain for a suitable response, he groaned louder than necessary, "OMG, you’re so big! It’s too good, I’m about to die—can we please stop?"
Zhuo Shu looked at the poor little thing before him, his aloof eyes on the verge of tears. His pleading voice was sweet and seductive—satisfying, to say the least. Though he wanted to continue a few more rounds, the contract still had a long way to go, so he reluctantly paused the expedition, wearing a contented expression.
In his mind, he thought: As expected, kept lovers were always so obedient and capable. This was definitely worth it!
Ying Tongchen lay limply in bed, much like a salted fish. "Carry me to the bathroom."
"?" Audacious mUcH?!
Zhuo Shu looked at him in surprise. Did other people's lemans order their bankroller so confidently as well? Then was the next step to just directly fall in love?
"Don’t worry," Ying Tongchen said with a smirk, "this is just a situationship; it's not as if we’re really dating—we each take what we need." He chuckled, then continued, "But as a gentleman, it wouldn’t be too much to give me a bath, right?"
After a brief pause, he added, "After all, you’re too big, and I’m in too much pain."
"!"
Zhuo Shu, still in a daze, picked Ying Tongchen up and carried him to the bathroom. After another round of praise, he personally scrubbed the latter’s back with care.
Ying Tongchen leaned back comfortably in the bathtub, studying Zhuo Shu. "Was this your first time?"
Zhuo Shu blinked, clearly caught off guard. "How did you know?"
Nonsense, we just did it together—how could I not know?
"Was this your first time too?" Zhuo Shu asked, only realizing how stupid his question had been as soon as the words left his mouth. If this man did this often, he would’ve been famous long ago. "You’re right, each of us takes what we need. Don’t worry, I’ll help you."
"Help me?" Ying Tongchen turned around with a teasing smile. "Then help me scrub again. Your scrubbing skills are really something."
"..." The little thing was adept at taking advantage of others!
With a frustrated growl, he threw the towel into the water, his gaze darkening. "Tell me where!"
Finally, both of them lay down, utterly exhausted, and Zhuo Shu felt his last bit of desire dissipate. He dreaded the thought of having to go through another round of ‘the eighteen positions of scrubbing’ again in the second half of the night. If that happened, how would he make it to the company tomorrow?
As he drifted off, he could’ve sworn he was kicked a few times in his sleep. It was a soft, almost comforting sensation—strangely pleasant.
…
The next morning, when Zhuo Shu opened his eyes, he found a man lying next to him.
His facial features were exaggeratedly close, the soft light highlighting his fair, translucent skin. His high nose bridge, thick lashes, and the way his hair drooped over his forehead, half-covering his eyes, created a delicate, almost ethereal picture. His lips were full, moist, and pink.
Zhuo Shu had heard many rich second-gens boast about their glamorous lives. One of the more popular stories was how their lovers would wake up before dawn to carefully apply makeup, then pretend to sleep, all to surprise their bankrollers when they opened their eyes. The idea was to seduce their financial backers into staying in bed all morning.
Zhuo Shu suspected that this little thing had secretly put on makeup, so he pinched his cheeks—only to find no trace of powder. He stared at the soft pink lips again, and just as he leaned in to get a closer look, the little thing suddenly sneezed.
"..." Audacious!
The young financial backer awkwardly touched his face, feeling the sting of his own embarrassment, before getting up to clean himself. Standing in front of the mirror, he turned around and caught sight of the glaring scratches on his back.
"..." Audacious!
When he had the time, he decided he would have to learn from other financial backers on how to properly discipline their lovers.
After getting dressed, he returned to the bed and looked at the clothes scattered on the floor and the wallet on the bedside table. It was all too obvious, wasn’t it? Wasn’t this just waiting for him to transfer money?
He opened the wallet and his eyes were immediately drawn to the photo on the ID card. He couldn’t help but stare at it for a few moments, then turned his head to compare it with the person still lying on the bed. The photo looked slightly more youthful, but otherwise, there was little difference.
Nice, no plastic surgery.
There wasn’t much cash in the wallet—just two bank cards and a bunch of membership cards.
He was so impoverished.
Zhuo Shu took out one of the bank cards, quickly memorized the card number, and put it back.
His assistant, waiting downstairs, enthusiastically greeted him as he emerged looking refreshed. "Boss, you’re looking as formidable as always, awe-inspiring too! Your complexion looks amazing today!"
Zhuo Shu raised an eyebrow, slid into the car, picked up his iPad, and began searching Ying Tongchen's name on the Internet.
After a moment, he sighed quietly.
There was no such person in the entire entertainment industry.
How had this guy even managed to muddle through until now?
He put the tablet away and said, "Help me make the transfer to this bank account."
"Understood."
"Wait." Zhuo Shu frowned slightly. "How much do those back scrubbers usually charge?"
"Ten yuan, I go to the bathhouse often," the assistant said cheerfully.
"What? Only ten yuan?" Zhuo Shu couldn’t believe it. "How can such a hard job only cost ten yuan?"
"It depends on the location. A public bathhouse charges only about ten yuan, while a higher-end bathing and recreation center is a little more expensive, costing hundreds or even thousands. It all depends on the location and the appearance of the attendant. If..." The assistant glanced up at him through the rearview mirror, "If there are special services, it can be even more expensive."
Zhuo Shu calculated in his mind—considering the location was a five-star hotel, his attractiveness index was first-class, and special services... were indeed included. He concluded that he should be worth at least 8888 yuan per hour.
"Take out 8888 yuan from the transfer total," Zhuo Shu said.
As a businessman, it's always about the clear settlement of interests.
Assistant: "?"
…
When Ying Tongchen woke up, it was already noon. He rubbed his waist as he got out of bed, his walking posture far from its usual elegant and dashing self.
After tidying up, he went downstairs as though nothing had happened and checked out his room at the front desk. It was then the receptionist informed him that the bill had already been settled.
He decided to inquire about the price—one night probably offset his three months' salary. Next time, he would never come to such a cursed place again.
Wait, how could there be a next time?
Ying Tongchen walked to the parking lot where he had left his Magotan (Volkswagen) the previous night, got into the car, and drove home, a place conveniently located near the school where he worked.
The school provided accommodation for the teachers, and the overall environment was decent. However, considering his sexual orientation, he realized that if he ever entered into a relationship and brought someone home, it would be awkward for him to frequently go in and out of the school. So, he opted to rent a nearby two-bedroom, one-living-room apartment.
His old man had insisted he buy a place instead, but the area was filled with school district homes. Not only were they prohibitively expensive, but with no plans for children in the future, he thought it wiser to use the money to renovate his old man’s house and update the appliances instead.
After returning home, he took a shower and tossed his clothes into the washing machine when his phone rang—it was his old man.
He mentioned receiving a text from the bank, stating that an additional twenty or thirty thousand yuan had been deposited into the account. The amount was oddly precise—a clean number.
Ying Tongchen paused for a moment before replying, "It’s probably the money from the studio."
During his time at university, he partnered with a few classmates to start a translation studio. What began as handling small projects has unexpectedly grown into a well-known and reputable young studio in the industry.
His old man hesitated, "Is that so? Oh, by the way… that card seems to be...missing. Don’t transfer money into it in the future."
Ying Tongchen had visited his old man just the day before. He pulled out his wallet, and as he had expected, his old man had stuffed the card inside. "Oh, it’s with me. I’ll give it to you next time I visit."
"Aiya, no need. I can’t use all the money on this card. Keep it for yourself." His old man hadn’t expected him to find out so quickly. "You’re a grown-up now, and you have to spend money on things. You’re almost 30—it's time to find a partner."
"Then what about you? You are almost 60 years old. Why haven’t you found a partner?"
After chatting for a while longer, the call ended. Ying Tongchen opened his WeChat and saw that Meng Gong had finally replied.
[Not Meng Gong]: What's up, xiōngdì? Did everything go well?
[Not Meng Gong]: Did you call the cops? Why didn’t I see your courageous and righteous actions on the latest local news?
Ying Tongchen paused for a moment, recalling the events of the night before, then replied, "I didn’t call the cops, but he did cop a feel."
[Not Meng Gong]: Holy fuck! What do you mean? He took a liking to you?
[Ying]: It was mutual.
[Not Meng Gong]: ? ? ? sus
Meng Gong called directly, confirming with him repeatedly before sighing, "I thought we agreed to be single and bitchy together. You traitor!"
"Mm-mm. You’re wrong, I’m still single."
Meng Gong suddenly got excited. "Tha—That thrilling?"
"That thrilling."
"How was he?"
Ying Tongchen paused for a moment, then replied with sincere honesty, "Five stars for looks, but a thumbs-down for his skills."
"…Do I have to ask for permission, or can I just laugh?"
(TLN: This is a meme in china—once a netizen had posted something where every commenter just basically wrote ‘lolololol’ and the OP said they aren’t allowed to laugh. To which someone retorted, ‘So I have to ask permission before I laugh’?)
"…"
"But was his face really five stars?! You almost never rate anyone five stars!" Meng Gong was clearly more excited than Ying Tongchen, "Xiōngdì, you'd better hold onto this fated pecker. Poor skills can be worked on, but it's almost impossible to find a top with a good-looking face!"
"…………"
"I just did a divination with my fingers, this man’s pecker might just be your fated one!"
Ying Tongchen: "..."
It’s painful to be single, but that doesn’t mean I want a painful a.nus.
.
.
.
TL Note: I’m dying, this novel is too funny. The only complaint is that I’m not in tune with all the slang and memes, so it takes me much longer to research and explain to you and myself haha. Also, some of the puns don’t translate directly, so I took the liberty to change it slightly, but the intended meaning should still be the same.
—
Footnotes:
[1] Ying nudged ‘Not Meng Gong*’, mmm what a perky butt - Tickling/Nudging is another way to grab someone’s attention in WeChat. Simply double-tapping on the recipient’s icon in the chat and they will receive a little ‘nudge’. The latter part (mm what a perky butt) is a custom suffix you can set whenever you nudge a person.
[2] Heavenly Thunder Ignites Earthly Fire (天雷勾地火) - This phrase originally describes a thunderclap so powerful that it sparks fires on the ground. Metaphorically, it now often refers to the explosive passion between a man and a woman—or even same-sex couples—at the moment of intense chemistry or attraction.
[3] Rich second-gens - Fuerdai (富二代; lit. 'rich second generation) is a Chinese term for the children of the nouveau riche in China. Basically, trust fund babies.