Fix Smile Order Chapter 12
Translated by Pure
Edited by cookiecrunch
Chapter 12: Mingling Incognito
The next day, Tang Tianyuan packed up and left the courtyard early in the morning, only to see a person at his doors. This person was small and thin, with white and tender skin. Their originally weak scholar's face had… a two-foot-long beard.
Tang Tianyuan was stunned. Who would dare to come to make trouble at the county government official’s house so early in the morning? No matter how long the beard was... was the concierge asleep?
He walked over and had a clear look at the person’s face—it was the damned Tan Lingyin. He truly couldn’t fathom what she was thinking. It seemed that there really was something wrong with her brain.
Tang Tianyuan mocked her and said, "So you’re Guan Yu[1] now?!"
"No." Tan Lingyin stroked her beard and answered solemnly.
What a thick face. Tang Tianyuan ignored her, turned his head, and left.
Tan Lingyin quickly caught up, followed him, and asked, "Sir, does my beard look good?" She was quite satisfied with the beard. It was long and supple, capable of covering her throat and chest. Even the Monkey King, Sun Wukong, wouldn’t recognize her as a woman.
Tang Tianyuan still ignored her.
Tan Lingyin asked again, "Sir, where are we going to visit today?"
Tang Tianyuan stopped and looked at her vigilantly, "You want to go too?"
"Didn't you want me to?..."
Tang Tianyuan finally figured it out. He wanted to go out on patrol in disguise, first to check the locals and their customs and secondly, he wanted to take a walk around Tianmu Mountain. Originally, he only instructed Zhao Xiaoliu and Li Dawang, but they turned around and told Tan Lingyin. It was also his negligence that he did not explain to them in advance that he had no intention of taking anyone else with him.
Just as Tang Tianyuan was about to say no to Tan Lingyin, he looked at her bushy beard and suddenly changed his mind, "You can come if you want, but on one condition: you are not allowed to take off the beard."
"Of course!" Tan Lingyin nodded quickly. It seemed that the magistrate liked her beard very much.
The two walked out of the inner court together, Zhao Xiaoliu and Li Dawang were already waiting for them. The four of them had already eaten breakfast, so they set off.
Tang Tianyuan strolled the street for a while. Although he was not wearing an official uniform, his face was highly recognizable. Many people recognized him and greeted him enthusiastically. Even those who didn’t know him acknowledged him after being informed by the crowd.
Tang Tianyuan didn't expect so many people to recognize him. He was a little depressed since this didn’t count as mingling incognito at all.
He turned his head and looked at Tan Lingyin, who was stroking her beard happily. Tang Tianyuan called Tan Lingyin to a deserted area and ordered her to give him some of her beard. Tan Lingyin knew that he liked her beard, so she generously pulled three strands for him—two small strands under his nose and one large strand glued to his chin.
Although his eyebrows and eyes were still handsome, everything below his nose became increasingly obscene. With this ‘accessory’, Tang Tianyuan’s new face looked like the son of the deity, Er Lang Shen, if he had married his beloved dog. And even Tan Lingyin, who has mixed tastes, couldn't bear to take a closer look.
In any case, Tang Tianyuan finally found some peace. He continued on his walk and headed to the vegetable market, carefully inquiring about the prices. He then picked a few people to ask about their living conditions, frightened several children on the way, and finally left contentedly; he was ready to exit the city to Tianmu Mountain.
It was already afternoon when the group reached Tianmu Mountain. The sun was like a blazing fire, scorching the earth. Going into the wilderness on such a day was self inflicting. Everyone was so hot they wanted to stick their tongues out and Tan Lingyin was hotter than the three of them combined. It’s because of her thick and flowing beard. The beard wrapped around her face and body like a mink scarf, making her feel as if she had fallen into a steamer.
Tan Lingyin finally understood why the magistrate told her not to take off her beard. He must have expected her to be a hot dog, so he purposely gave her such a condition.
This county magistrate is really not a good poultry.
Tang Tianyuan felt very satisfied when he saw Tan Lingyin suffer. He never found Tan Lingyin pleasing in his eyes. When she wasn't happy, he was very happy.
They were hungry after climbing the mountain for a while, so they sat under the tree and ate some dry food. Lying beside the road was a large stone slab, conveniently placed for pedestrians to rest. Past this stone was a steep slope.
Tan Lingyin had finished her own sour plum soup, so she almost fainted from choking on the dry food. Tang Tianyuan looked at her with a smile, then unscrewed his water bag and took a lavishly large gulp of water.
Tan Lingyin was furious, and quickly took action to grab his water bag. However, Tang Tianyuan had expected this and lifted his hand a little, so she would be out of reach.
Li Dawang couldn't watch anymore, "Head Commissioner Tan, want to drink my water?"
However, Tan Lingyin only wanted Tang Tianyuan’s water. She straightened up to grab his water, but she still couldn’t reach it. With her overheated brain, she jumped up, knocked Tang Tianyuan down, and rode on his waist.
Tang Tianyuan: "..."
Never had he met such a shameless person before. A maiden actually threw herself on top of a man.
Most men would be in bliss if a beautiful woman jumped onto them, but the premise was that the beautiful woman did not have a long beard. When Tang Tianyuan was pushed to the ground by Tan Lingyin, his face was covered by her beard, and the darkness in front of his eyes cut off all the ambiguity that might be caused by skin-to-skin contact.
Everything happened so fast, Zhao Xiaoliu and Li Dawang couldn't keep up with the rhythm and just looked at them blankly.
Although a good man shouldn’t bicker with a woman, Tang Tianyuan didn't want to just let it go. He wanted to turn over forcefully and push her away; he did just that, but instead of pushing her away, she was thrown off the stone.
Tang Tianyuan's reaction was slow because his eyes were covered by the beard. When he saw Tan Lingyin rolling down, he instinctively reached out, but ended up grabbing her beard instead, while the person continued her descent.
"Ow! Ow! Ouch! Ouch! Aiyo! Aiyo~!" She let out a series of strange screams.
Hearing her still so energetically screaming, Tang Tianyuan felt that her life shouldn’t be endangered. He leaned on the edge of the flatstone and peered down. On the steep slope, some dwarf bushes grew, and their lush foliage covered her traces.
"Tan Lingyin? Tan Lingyin?" Tang Tianyuan called out twice, but got no answer.
He rolled up his sleeves, preparing to go down to find her himself. Zhao Xiaoliu and Li Dawang were afraid that something might happen to the county magistrate, so they hurriedly stopped him. The two insisted that they should go themselves.
Tang Tianyuan shook his head. He knew a little bit of martial arts, and although the slope was steep, as long as he was careful, it should be fine.
So it was decided.
When approaching the bottom of the slope, Tang Tianyuan smelled a pungent smell. Then he saw Tan Lingyin: she was sitting on the ground, her face was pale, and her eyes were blank.
Tang Tianyuan thought that she was probably injured, and he felt a little guilty as he walked over and asked, "Where are you hurt?" His voice was very gentle for fear of scaring her.
Tan Lingyin's eyes regained their light. She looked over and she saw that it was Tang Tianyuan. She remained silent but raised her hand and pointed to an area not far from her.
Tang Tianyuan was puzzled. He walked to the place she pointed to, pushing through the bushes…
There laid a corpse.
.
.
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Footnote:
[1]Guan Yu- 关公 (-219), general of Shu and blood-brother of Liu Bei in Romance of the Three Kingdoms, was a fearsome fighter famous for virtue and loyalty posthumously worshiped and identified with the guardian Bodhisattva Sangharama.