EnCoffin Me Chapter 9
Translated by Q the Panda (ko-fi)
Chapter 9
The morning light was shut out by the curtains, but Alexio knew it was already daytime. He closed the history book in his hands and glanced toward the wall that connected to the next room. That lunatic probably hadn't slept all night either.
It was unbelievable that he had actually ended up living next to the lunatic.
Stretching a little, Alexio walked to the window and pulled open the heavy curtains. That little red button seemed to silently beckon him. After a brief struggle, he couldn't resist and pressed it.
Thunder crashed, lightning flashed, and a gloomy, eerie atmosphere settled in… What a hopeful start to the day!
Feeling cheerful, he triggered another round of thunder before reluctantly stopping. He messaged Ellie to say he was well-rested. She replied quickly, saying she would bring breakfast right away. For a vampire, a day with three quality blood meals was simply delightful.
Alexio happily summoned more thunderbolts.
Knock knock. Someone was at the door. Surprised by how fast Ellie had arrived, Alexio opened it, only to find the saint in white robes standing there.
Alexio reflexively slammed the door shut.
Seeing that lunatic's face first thing in the morning had startled his carefully simulated heartbeat.
There was a brief silence outside the door, followed by another determined knock. Only then did Alexio remember that this lunatic had a broken brain, but hadn't done anything abnormal yet. This was still the lunatic he could have fun with earlier.
Alexio pretended he hadn't just slammed the door and opened it again. The saint in white stood there, practically radiating cold air at him.
The saint had changed into an old-fashioned outfit provided by the center. It came with a half-cape that was elegant rather than exaggerated. Fine gold threads wove sun and moon patterns into the fabric, making the saint seem to glow faintly. Alexio had to admit, he really liked that face. If he hadn't become a lunatic, he thought they could have been friends forever.
“Stop making thunder,” the saint said, enunciating each word clearly. Then he watched as the vampire's eyes gradually widened and the tips of his ears began to turn a light red, probably mimicking some human physiological reaction. He made a mental note to write that down.
“You… you can hear it?!”
Shock was written all over Alexio's face. The next second, a crushing wave of embarrassment surged through him.
Acting like a chuunibyo was one thing, but getting caught red-handed was entirely different!
He opened his mouth, fangs just barely showing, when the saint across from him revealed his first expression since waking up.
“Tsk.”
Damn you…!
The urge to silence him on the spot filled Alexio's head. That lunatic really lived up to the title. Even with a broken brain, he could still easily blow up Alexio's rage meter.
But just as Alexio moved, the saint stopped him with a slow, deliberate gesture. He pulled out a thick book, The Federal Dark Creatures Protection Act. Alexio had a copy too.
“I didn't expect you to have such a hobby,” the saint said slowly, with a polite hint of a smile. He flipped through the pages of the book, which had apparently been annotated by him overnight. It was obvious he'd spent the night trying to find legal loopholes to justify eliminating his target.
However, it seemed he had failed, so he could only quote the law to mock Alexio.
“Respecting the hobbies and interests of dark creatures is a civic dut—”
The saint reacted fast, stepping back several paces and twisting his body just in time to dodge a sudden pounce from the vampire. He instinctively reached for his gun, but then remembered the long list of death penalties and life sentences that came with its use. That hesitation was all the vampire needed. The next moment, the vampire's red eyes were closer than ever, so close the saint could see the delicate curl at the end of a rosevine pattern etched by his right eye—
He would need to add that detail to tonight's scrapbook… notes. He'd definitely draw that pattern.
Half the wall collapsed under the vampire's attack. Alarms blared. The center's security personnel was immediately dispatched. Armed aerial units swarmed in, surrounding the vampire and the saint. After a pause, their weapons unhesitatingly aimed at the saint.
Lucius: ……
What a monumental injustice.
Alexio's eyes drifted away awkwardly. He had already snatched the heavily annotated book. Faced with the overwhelming military response, he quietly handed it back.
“You dropped your book. I picked it up for you.”
“……”
Did he happen to knock down half the wall while picking it up, too?
Seeing the saint remain silent, Alexio hesitated for a moment, then ‘sincerely’ held the book out toward him again.
“It's okay. Don't feel guilty. You just momentarily lost control of your power. I wasn't scared.”
The saint suddenly raised his sky-blue eyes, staring at the vampire in disbelief.
More staff arrived to handle the situation, not forgetting to comfort Alexio. Ellie showed up quickly as well, anxiously checking him for injuries before praising him enthusiastically for ‘returning what wasn't his.’
“Check the surveillance footage to understand the whole story,” the saint said, emphasizing the last two words.
Alexio suddenly remembered that this was ten thousand years later, and there were things called surveillance cameras now. The lunatic was quick to absorb new knowledge. His attempt to shift the blame might very well backfire. He couldn't help but feel a twinge of anxiety.
The saint gave a cold smile. He didn't believe it…
“Oh dear, the center's surveillance system is managed by Pupil. It seems Pupil happened to be dozing off just now and couldn't find any footage.”
After Ellie submitted the request, this was the result she received. It happened sometimes. She sighed softly. Alexio, who had just narrowly escaped death, looked at the lunatic. Although the man's face appeared expressionless, it was practically screaming shock. Once again, Alexio couldn't resist laughing inwardly.
Lunatic, you've got this day too, hahaha!
Alexio's joy was short-lived. Today was the day for the lunatic's medical checkup. Alexio drank the fresh blood Ellie brought, while the lunatic had to eat human food. Alexio also planned to have some bites. He didn't mind human delicacies.
In the clean and tidy cafeteria, the saint looked coldly at the vampire holding a fork and knife, ready to eat his breakfast egg pancake.
“A vampire eating human food…” he said slowly, “better to be cautious.”
Hearing that, Ellie naturally grew nervous. Almost all existing records stated that vampires needed to drink fresh blood, and whether they could eat human food was still unknown. This saint had awakened from the same coffin as Alexio and must have a close relationship with the vampire, so he surely knew this race well.
Alexio suddenly felt uneasy.
“I can eat it,” he emphasized. “High-level vampires have no problem eating human food. They just can't gain energy from it.”
The saint cut into his own egg pancake and glanced at him quietly, as if watching a cat trying to sample human food.
Ellie immediately began to earnestly advise against it, and Alexio's egg pancake was declared off-limits.
“Let's wait after the checkup. If you can eat it, I'll specially order some for you,” she comforted.
Alexio stared intently at the saint across from him, as if trying to bore a hole through him. Under his gaze, the saint seemed to enjoy his meal even more.
High-level vampires could definitely eat human food. They just needed to avoid a few special spices. Strictly speaking, the saint's statement wasn't wrong. However, even if they ate those spices, it would only cause a stomachache, and they could just block the pain. Alexio often did that.
But now, because of the saint's few words, Alexio wouldn't be having breakfast today.
Alexio deeply understood the frustration the lunatic had felt earlier.
Fine, this was what they called mutual retribution!
After their breakfast, Alexio and Lucius arrived at the medical department, where they separated to undergo basic check-ups. There wasn't much to examine for vampires. It was mainly testing basic values, as their physical condition was simulated for record-keeping purposes.
“We do have some experience with undead dark creatures,” a female nurse said with a faint smile while testing Alexio's eyesight. “Your condition is quite similar to that of the eastern faction's zombies.”
Alexio knew about zombies, though he hadn't interacted with many. The eastern faction was mysterious and reclusive, almost like a nation of its own, adhering to the tradition of divine right of kings. Their royalty was marked by single-character names to signify their nobility.
The Zhu clan, to which Zhu Heng belonged, controlled medicine during Alexio's time. They had full names and were therefore not royal.
“All done. By the way, I have a question… when will you go live again?”
Having learned some of this already, Alexio showed no expression at the question. He really couldn't understand the fans calling him ‘cute’ in the comments. Clearly, he was a wicked dark creature with sharp fangs and claws. Ordinary people should have nightmares upon seeing him.
“We'll see.” He had no definite answer, but the nurse still smiled.
“Just go live whenever you feel like it. I work here at the center, so I see you often. Those people outside have watched the recordings of your stream countless times.”
Truly tragic. The fans obsessed with Alexio could only rewatched recorded streams, clucking like chickens, piling up threads on forums, only to have them eventually deleted by moderators.
She spoke with such hopeful kindness that Alexio fell silent. After a long pause, he finally said, “I'm not cute.”
Alexio thought of holy water, crosses, silver, pungent spices, and the expressions of the people behind them: wide, fearful eyes and lips muttering curses.
【Vampire!】
【Call the Holy Temple hunters!】
【Waaah… don't bite me! I don't want to become a vampire!】
As a dark creature, he was meant to be watched with suspicion and to endure this solitude. But a vampire's solitude was especially long. He had lost count of how many human generations had hated him, forgotten how many times he had fallen into century-long slumbers in the dark. When boredom struck, he slept. Upon waking, he rose, brewing new horrors amid fresh hatred and loathing.
That was how it was meant to be.
His words made the female nurse pause for a moment, then she smiled, her eyebrows curving.
“…You're really cute.”
The vampire's deep rose-colored eyes widened slightly. This was a familiar phrase to him. Sitting in the soft chair prepared by the medical department, he felt light and breeze brushing his face. The soft murmur of voices and the occasional roars of dark creatures formed a peculiar clamor in his ears. Suddenly, the gentle compliment, ‘You're really cute,’ took on the timbre of the saint's voice—
【You're really cute.】
“Are you done with the checkup?”
Alexio snapped back to reality. The saint in white was looking down at him, holding his own medical report, his expression indifferent.
Alexio knew there had to be something written in that report.
“You fainted twice and lost strength. Why didn't you get checked for longer?”
The saint was so angry he crumpled his medical report in his hand.