EnCoffin Me Chapter 76
Translated by Q the Panda (ko-fi)
Chapter 76
With the northern front campaign settled and the military's public press conference behind him, Alexio happily returned home, ready to begin three days of blissful idleness.
Naturally, with his cat in tow.
After a medical examination, it was confirmed that a small amount of dark energy remained in U's body. Although this power had been granted directly by a god, making it something like a half-divine creature, it didn't grant the cat any human intellect. At most, it was a bit smarter than other cats. Since Alexio was willing to keep the cat by his side, the military was more than relieved. Otherwise, the conservation center would have had to prepare a private room just for it.
But for now, U was still sleeping soundly in an incubator. Alexio busied himself browsing through the online mall for cat supplies. After going through a round of selections, he suddenly realized he hadn't seen the lunatic in a while. Setting down his lightbrain, he stepped outside and found the saint carefully pruning roses with his sleeves rolled up. The colorful nameplate beside him was leaning to one side.
Doing nothing at all pinched his conscience a bit. After a moment of thought, Alexio asked, “Want me to… order takeout?”
“……”
Lucius looked at him with a blank expression.
“Didn't you say you wanted chicken wings on the way back? They're already marinating. Once I'm done here, I'll cook them.” After a pause, he firmly pointed toward the vegetable patch. “Go pick the tomatoes.”
No slacking allowed.
Alexio rubbed his hands together and picked up the basket. Even he, a noble third-generation vampire, had to pick tomatoes for a living.
As he picked tomatoes, his thoughts drifted to the upcoming Carnival preparations.
“After we got back, we had that meeting with the conservation center, remember? You weren't there at the time, so let me fill you in.”
Lucius had been at the military headquarters then, but Alexio had taken detailed notes just to report everything back to him. Lucius paused to listen. He'd already received the official meeting summary, but he preferred hearing Alexio's perhaps less-focused recounting.
“The conservation center really liked the theme,” Alexio said, clipping off a tomato and tossing it into the basket along with a bit of vine, “especially since Dondon and Lucy made such a splash on the northern front. It'll help with publicity. And since the event ties into reviving ancient culture, they're giving it full support. Andrei's even started submitting the application to make it a public holiday.”
Lucius listened silently, glancing at the tomato plants that now looked rather pitiful.
“…Mm.”
“But there's one thing I don't quite understand…” Alexio looked genuinely puzzled. “Why the hell would they base the mascot design on me? When Ellie explained it, she even said they plan to make plushies?”
So far, Alexio had only authorized one thing, which was allowing the conservation center to manage merchandise and fan-made contents based on him. Things like his sticker packs were handled entirely by the center, so he didn’t have to worry about them. The recently viral cat sticker pack was also handled and followed up by the conservation center in collaboration with relevant parties.
Lucius' ears perked up. He immediately thought of the various versions of the Alexio drafts stored in his lightbrain.
If all of those could be turned into plushies…
If he started releasing a whole line of Alexio merchandise from now on…
A tomato suddenly flew toward him. Lucius caught it cleanly and quickly reined in his increasingly wild imagination. He found it a bit strange. Normally, even when thinking about far more dangerous and unmentionable things, he should have remained expressionless. How could Alexio tell he was having inappropriate thoughts?
He had been quite confident in the Holy Temple's bridal courses on hiding emotions…
“Look at that tomato!” Alexio said. “Isn't it huge?”
“……”
He had wrongfully blamed the bridal courses.
“Actually, I don't think it's a big deal. It's just an image, and it also fits the theme of cultural revival from ten thousand years ago very well,” Lucius said as he finished tending the flowers, then tried to push for a bit more. “Aren't you even a little curious how others would design you?”
Alexio was a little tempted and said he'd think about it. After a satisfying meal of chicken wings, he sprawled out on the sofa and decided he was okay with the idea. He sent Ellie a message letting her know he agreed.
Ellie acted fast. As soon as Alexio signed the authorization papers, she immediately contacted the relevant departments. By the time his break ended, the call for design submissions had already been publicly announced. Major celebrities and organizations on Pupil reposted it, causing a sensation!
【Xixi finally agreed to authorize it. I'm so crying! I'm camping here until the merch drops!】
【I can't draw or design, but I can spend money! Let me buy it! Please!】
【The Carnival description sounds amazing! Street performances? Waiting to see how it's organized!】
【I don't care waaaah as an overworked employee, I'm grateful for any public holiday. Praise the heavens uwaaaah!】
Many people shared their opinions, with the overwhelming majority expressing strong anticipation. The official submission inbox received tens of thousands of entries in just one day. These would be screened through cross-checks by multiple AIs before being compiled for review by specialized staff. A public voting round was also planned, and the winning character design would become the face of the Carnival, featured in various promotional activities.
After signing the authorization papers, Alexio had little else to do. He spent his time helping Helgodon stabilize his newly gained powers and attended a few Union of Dark Creatures gatherings when he had the chance. Once he finally made it through his busy schedule, he realized he hadn't seen the lunatic in several days. They were still in the same house, but Lucius had been keeping to himself lately, and Alexio didn't know what he was up to.
Alexio held his lightbrain, which was displaying the personal webpage of the Epic Pair. The Sparrow Nestling in Thorns, whom he knew, was still producing contents, like some rather messy cat heads.
He glanced toward the second floor, then stood up without hesitation.
The fastest way to find out, of course, was to just to go and ask!
Lucius was in his room, working on design drafts. He had carefully selected the cutest version from his pile of drawings and was now refining it with additional variations. The design had already taken form under his hand. He activated the program, and a projection appeared above the screen. A small stage was set up, floating above the screen, adorably detailed. Every part of it had to be set manually by the creator. Most entries wouldn't attempt such a technically demanding structure. After all, a 2D design could already be plenty cute.
With a soft ‘pop,’ the Alexio he designed landed on the stage. It wore a deep blue round cloak, with half of its fringe swept up and pinned to one side of its black hair with a golden star. This special Alexio hugged an oversized star and, when it smiled, just the tip of a fang showed, making it look infinitely bright and beautiful.
The golden star was the Carnival element he had chosen. When opened, it transformed into a burst of colorful ribbons. The overall quality of the design was already considered top-tier in the industry, but after a moment of thought, Lucius felt that if he worked two more nights, he could make it even cuter.
And cuter was always better.
A knock came at the door. He shut off his lightbrain for now and went to answer it. After all, the real person mattered more than any design.
Alexio was holding an instruction manual for a cat-climbing tree. He wasn't very good at assembling it.
“You've been in your room a lot lately. Is the military keeping you busy?” Alexio asked hesitantly. If Lucius was swamped with work, he'd just try to figure it out on his own.
“It's manageable,” Lucius said, taking the manual from him. “Why not just use the installation robot?”
“I know, but it needs the blueprint input. Am I supposed to feed the blueprint to it?”
Alexio's imagination had always been vivid in this regard. Lucius scanned the manual using the companion software and uploaded it to the robot's system. About half an hour later, the massive cat-climbing tree stretched across the living room, fully assembled. Alexio found it quite novel, zipping to the top, with Lucius watching him from below.
A real-life cat tree.
“Why did you buy one so big?” Lucius had imagined something half the size. His question earned him a look of superiority from above.
“Of course, because it's my cat. It deserves the biggest cat-climbing tree.”
“……”
Fair enough. Two cats, the biggest cat-climbing tree.
“And a mountain of canned food, too!”
Lucius glanced at the pile of snacks next to the cat food and became even more certain there were two cats.
Alexio, after surveying his kingdom from above, was just about to jump down when Lucius seemed to hear something and turned to the side. Alexio followed his gaze toward U's incubator.
The little black cat, U, had woken up and was clinging to the edge of the incubator, silently watching Alexio perched atop the towering cat-climbing tree. Then it turned its head to look at Lucius standing on the ground. Finally, it looked down at itself, still lying in the incubator on the table.
In that moment, U came to a profound understanding of its place in the household.
Affected by Behemoth's power, U was very intelligent and had a good physique. it could climb out of the incubator on its own right after waking up. After pacing around on the table for a few circles, U saw a pile of canned food stacked against the wall. They were clearly meant for cats, judging by the little cat faces on the labels.
It felt a profound respect for Alexio, who occupied the supreme position on the cat-climbing tree and possessed so much food.
“You're awake?” Alexio happily leapt down from the cat-climbing tree, landing with barely a sound. He crossed the room in a few quick steps toward the little black cat standing on the table. U stared at him, wide-eyed. The way Alexio had landed so lightly and silently just now was undeniable proof of his strength.
U was stunned, U was conquered, U was speechless.
It obediently lowered its ears in submission as Alexio reached out to pet it. Then it leaned in hard against his hand, purring sweetly in response.
Dage! Dage, please groom me! Dage, I'm all yours!
(T/N: Dage — boss/eldest brother)
Lucius strangely found he could somewhat understand the cat's thoughts. To test this theory, and also because Alexio wanted to pick it up after petting it, Lucius squeezed in without hesitation, reaching out to pet the cat himself.
U: …No.
It rejected him with its whole feline being!
Standing on the ground + no food offerings + clearly submissive to the boss = either a low-ranking cat or a rival!
U did the math in its head and began calculating furiously. It absolutely had to become Dage's number one follower, then it could climb the cat-climbing tree, get its share of canned food, and even bully the lower-ranked cat (?). Yes, it could. Yes, it absolutely could. What a blissful life that would be!
So, Dage, stop hesitating! Pet me! Groom me!
But Alexio just kept petting. Seeing how eager U was, he assumed it was because it liked him and proudly showed off to the lunatic.
“Look, he likes me!”
“……”
No, this is a scheming cat. It's just trying to cozy up to you so it could step on me later.
“I'll open some canned food for him. How many? Five?”
“…That'll make him sick. He's just getting back to eating, so start with one small can to let him adjust.”
U looked utterly betrayed. This cat was awful. It had actually slandered him to Dage! Dage had clearly decided on five cans!
Alexio obediently opened only one. He had no experience raising animals and didn't want to risk harming the cat. After his initial silence, Lucius gave plenty of useful advice on caring for U and even called to arrange a home visit with a pet doctor.
Sitting on the couch, Lucius glanced at the time. The vet should be arriving soon.
He looked over at the little black cat still trying to cozy up to Alexio and noticed U sneaking glances at him. In response, Lucius gave a faint smile.
Just wait. Once the vet gets here, you're getting your temperature taken.