EnCoffin Me Chapter 56
Translated by Q the Panda (ko-fi)
Chapter 56
The wave sparked by Helgodon was both expected and unexpected.
Countless posts and topics sprang up like mushrooms after rain, ranging from analyses and reflections to even heated debates. Fortunately, the Federation had comprehensive laws regarding dark creatures, and with the authorities maintaining control, most of the discussions remained friendly and rational. Among them, the most numerous were:
【Xixi alpha aaaah!!!】
【OMG OMG OMG!!!】
【Single-handedly fought against a legion! Remember what those idiots who attacked the conservation center went through? Hahahaha!】
【But I don't feel sorry for them at all. I just want to laugh hahahaha!】
Many others were also discussing the ancient world revealed in the film. The unique landscapes and complex alliances from the previous era were simply fascinating.
Earlier, when Alexio resurrected, a user called ‘I Underwent Plasmolysis’ reappeared in the official comments section. This time, he returned with an in-depth analysis about werewolves, spanning tens of thousands of words. Alexio read it all carefully, thought it was impressive, and decided to share it.
I Underwent Plasmolysis: Ah!!!!!
At this point, the viewers who were happily engrossed in the research posts truly experienced ‘plasmolysis’ firsthand.
【I'm so jealous! Really jealous! Xixi's second update!】
【Wasn't the last one about a lobster or something…】
Alexio found these comments amusing and read them one by one. Suddenly, a message popped up on his lightbrain.
【Lucius: Help me share this.】
Alexio glanced at it. It was a new finding from the Institute of Ancient History about the history of the snowfield borderers, which matched perfectly with the film. Sharing it was no problem, but…
He looked up at the lunatic sitting across the table.
“You're this close, can't you just say it to me directly? Why send a message?”
The expressionless platinum-blonde saint leaned back in his chair.
“I was afraid of disturbing you while you're sharing others' updates.”
“……”
Alexio slowly typed a question mark in his mind. He didn't understand why the lunatic suddenly become so sarcastic. But he didn't have time to think about it because his lightbrain went ‘ding ding ding’ again as more than a dozen updates needing to be shared came from the lunatic.
“……”
Alexio moved his fingers and became a relentless reposting machine.
Then, Alexio's followers were horrified to find that his account seemed to have been hacked, as it began to spam wildly. The first half was still normal, history-related content, but the second half even included bizarre posts like ‘Ten Ways to Eat Red Beans’ and ‘How to Care for Cast Iron Pans.’
【If it weren't for the special protection on this kind of account, I'd really think Xixi's account got hacked…】
【Hahaha, did you notice? It's all reposted from History Book!】
【History Book, hahaha! I thought he was cold and aloof, but turns out he spends every day studying how to care for cast iron pans? Haha!】
When Lucius checked Alexio's page again, that ‘Plasmolysis’ guy had been pushed to the bottom. Instead, Alexio's page was flooded with Lucius' own name. Satisfied, he shut off his lightbrain and prepared to go to work.
He didn't need to ask Alexio about his schedule. He had it memorized long ago. Today was Alexio's day off. Lucius should have been on a break too, but he still had business to attend to in the military, forcing him to reluctantly leave home for now.
“What's for dinner? I'll order the ingredients. Remember to receive them at home.”
Alexio, lost in the comments, flopped onto the sofa and said anything was fine, as long as it was good.
“Roasted lamb chops?”
“Yes!!!”
To be honest, it was no surprise he planned to keep living with the lunatic.
With dinner settled, Alexio dove even deeper into the comments. Scrolling all the way down, he unexpectedly found a short link. The person who posted it was low-key, and those who followed the link even more so. The only comments underneath were simple:
【Here.】
【I'm here, squad.】
【Trying to calm my restless heart.】
Alexio: ……Spam marketing?
He learned things from the current era very quickly, and now he knew that these short links were usually junk marketing. His hand was already on the report button, but by some strange impulse, he clicked into the link to take a look.
After all, the lightnet's monitoring system was very thorough, so any inappropriate links wouldn't pass approval.
To Alexio's surprise, the site was beautifully designed, with thorny dark patterns scattered across it, dotted with bright red roses. It even used a floating projection font outside the screen, with elegant, gently curled script.
【You are epic.】
After the line of text faded away, what appeared next before Alexio was…
A quiz.
Alexio: ???
Why did he have to answer questions just to browse a site?
His curiosity grew stronger. He prepared another lightbrain, intending to use it to shamelessly search for answers online. Then, full of confidence, he clicked on the first question.
【What was the first sentence History Book said to Xixi in public?】
It wasn't a multiple-choice question. He had to type the answer. Alexio stared at the question for a moment, then typed without hesitation.
【Mm】
That was right. The first time he and the lunatic appeared together in public was when he went to call him. They appeared together under Ellie's camera, and the lunatic replied with a simple ‘Mm.’
Correct!
Alexio happily moved on to the second question.
【Did anything memorable appear that day?】
Answer: cat knocking on the door.jpg
【What did Xixi and History Book eat the first time they had a meal in the cafeteria? (List three items.)】
Many such questions were surprisingly tricky. Some even made Alexio, who was directly involved, pause and think carefully before answering. Faced with such challenge, his determination only grew stronger. He focused intently on each question and answered them all correctly in one go.
At last, the long progress bar reached the end, and Alexio, who maintained a perfect score, was warmly welcomed by the entire site.
【Oh my god! The newcomer is a god! All! Answers! Correct!】
【Welcome, newcomer, woohoo! There are fewer than ten perfect scores on the whole site!】
【Hello newcomer~ I'm Admin No. 7. For all-ages contents, please see the left section. For nsfw stuff, verify your identity then read on the right~】
Alexio watched the virtual confetti shower across his screen and hesitated before moving his finger to tap the left section. He was then prompted to register first. Thinking quickly, he realized he could set his name and avatar instantly based on the idea he had!
He brought out a pot of tomato plants from his room. Of course, the tomatoes were stolen from the lunatic. He took a photo of the vibrant tomato seedlings to use as his avatar, then entered his name:
【Stealing Your Tomatoes】
Happily, he entered the left section. Before rushing to read the content, he carefully read the site rules and then made his introduction post as requested.
Because he had entered the site with a perfect score, he attracted a lot of attention. As soon as he posted, many people left comments showering him with virtual flowers and generously recommended some posts.
【Stealing Your Tomatoes: Reporting in.】
【Epic Pair Admin No. 7: Welcome, welcome! Wait a minute…】
【I Underwent Plasmolysis: Welcome! Wait, that name…】
Alexio was puzzled. What was wrong with the name he'd just picked? So he asked, and someone sent him a screenshot of a top site member's ID.
【Epic Pair Admin No. 7: Must be a coincidence. The two names sound like a couple's.】
Alexio took a closer look. The name in the screenshot was a bit long:
【Locking My Tomatoes in the Dark Room】
That did seem related. Maybe he should change his name.
Alexio thought for a moment, then glanced toward the thriving carrots growing in the garden outside.
Meanwhile, at the military base, Lucius received a notification on his lightbrain. Skimming quickly through the context, he decisively logged into the site and changed his name.
Even if it was a coincidence, he refused to have a couple's name match with someone else.
【Epic Pair Admin No. 7: Changed it to Locking My Carrots in the Dark Room… Do you have some unresolved issue with this? lol.】
【Epic Pair Admin No. 7: Wait? The newcomer changed their name too? Holy crap!】
A screenshot was quickly sent back from the other side. Lucius frowned. He had thought the other person was just copying his name change, but the screenshot showed their change actually happened earlier, and they had changed their name to—
【Stealing Your Carrots】
“……”
【Epic Pair Admin No. 7: Unbelievable. You two really are in sync. Are you still going to change it?】
Of course, Lucius wasn't done. He wanted to change it more thoroughly. He renamed his site title to 【Mistreating Tomatoes is Strictly Prohibited】, then quickly switched to the newcomer's page. His expression froze.
【Tomatoes】
“……”
The other person seemed just as bothered by the couple name issue and kept desperately changing their name. But every new name only made them sound more like a couple. Lucius guessed the other was probably losing hair from frustration. He figured it was a clash of naming ideas. If he completely abandoned his previous naming approach, he could avoid hitting a wall.
So he changed his name to one he had long planned, something related to his evolving tattoo.
【Sparrow Nestling in Thorns.】
The other side quietly and despairingly picked a new name as well.
【Sword Embracing the Roses】
Holding his lightbrain, the platinum-blonde saint tilted his head and logged out to check Alexio's messaging status.
【Browsing web pages.】
No more changes.
The other side was Alexio.
After changing the last name, Alexio angrily tossed his lightbrain onto the sofa and grabbed a handful of almonds. He chewed and chewed, growing angrier the more he did, but the more frustrated he felt, the more he wanted to keep exploring that site. He still didn't know what was inside it.
A few minutes later, having finished the almonds and calmed down, he picked up his lightbrain again. Returning to the left section, he glanced at the name of that site veteran. Although both were four words long, at least the CP vibes weren’t as strong.
This site seemed to be dedicated to a certain CP, a common setup among Federation fans. As long as they didn't aggressively spread related content or affect the lives of those involved, self-indulgence within their own fandom was completely allowed. Some broad-minded individuals would even joke about their own related CP sites. Because of Ellie, Alexio had heard a bit about this.
He lowered his eyes to the CP's profile section.
【History Book × Xixi.】
“???”
Sitting on the sofa, he gripped the lightbrain tightly. If this had happened before, he might have just brushed it off without a second thought. But recently, he had come to realize he might have a genuine fondness for the lunatic.
He hesitated for a moment but didn't dare to enter the so-called adult section. Instead, he clicked on the top-ranked works in the left section.
Over an hour later, Alexio quietly added the site to his favorites, gently set down the lightbrain, and sat on the sofa.
Alexio: Stunned…
In the past hour, he hadn't just indulged in content about himself and the lunatic, he had also added the most prolific content creator as a friend on the site.
【Sparrow Nestling in Thorns: Take a look at these few pieces. The quality is excellent.】
【Sparrow Nestling in Thorns: This fanfic was written by me. It's a little embarrassing, but I'm quite satisfied with it myself.】
【Sparrow Nestling in Thorns: The epic pair is cannon now! (loudly)】
【Sparrow Nestling in Thorns: …Are you still there?】
【Sword Embracing the Roses: …Yes.】
What else could Alexio do to avoid sounding suspicious?!
【Sword Embracing the Roses: The epic pair should go get married at the civil affairs bureau!!!】